


This will be our year!

by graceisintodrummers



Series: HarryandLouis [2]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Coming Out, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Engagement, Fluff and Angst, Letters, Liam might love Zayn just as much, Louis loves Harry even more, M/M, Niall loves his boys, Zayn definitely loves Liam, harry loves Louis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-11
Updated: 2014-04-25
Packaged: 2018-01-08 08:42:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 26,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1130580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/graceisintodrummers/pseuds/graceisintodrummers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“You know how much I love you right now, Lou?” And by his smile Harry knows he does.</p><p>2014 is going to be a turbulent, but amazing year.</p><p>Their year.</p><p>_________________________________________________________________<br/>It is 2014.<br/>The year Harry and Louis want to come out to the world.<br/>The year Harry and Louis want to announce that they are dating<br/>The year Harry and Louis want to be able to hold hands in public.</p><p>But it's also the year of their world wide stadium tour and somehow everything is far more difficult than the boys had expected it to be.</p><p> </p><p>Or the one where Harry tries to fix it, but he is only strong with Louis by his side and the other boys do everything to help.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. You're gonna need someone by your side.

**Author's Note:**

> This is the sequel to a Christmas story I wrote, about Louis writing Harry letters and I really hope you like it :))  
> I don't know where this is going yet, how long it will take and everything, I'll just let the story lead the way :) 
> 
>  
> 
> I don't own the boys or anything and it's all in my head, yeah you know :))
> 
>  
> 
> Special thanks to my Diamond for just everything really ;)

It has been over a week since Harry last saw Louis. 2014 couldn't have started worse.

It was supposed to be their year, but it feels nothing like it.

 

Well, New Years Eve had been wonderful at least. He and Louis had spend it on their own, just the two of them, far away from all the trouble, kissing into the new year.

 

It went down from there.

 

What sucks the most is probably that Harry isn't allowed to be with his boyfriend, when Louis needs him the most. At least Modest had let Louis go and spend more time with his family after the death of is grandma and cancelled the public dates with Eleanor.

Harry on the other hand was still send to his stupid ski trip with Kendall. Sure, she was a nice girl but he just wanted to be with Louis so bad and literally everything reminded him of their ski trip a few years ago.

 

He started writing letters for Louis. He had thought of something for the other boy to feel better and the letters had always made his days back in December. So he figured he could give Louis this feeling back.

He wrote one everyday but he never sent them to his boyfriend. Not that he didn't wanted to...he did. It was just..they weren't good enough. Louis deserves so much more.

 

Now he is back in London but that isn't really better because, well, Louis is still in Doncaster and Harry is not. And in London there is even more that reminds him of the older boy.

But he can't be with him, even though there is no place in the world he would rather be.

Apparently “It isn't worth the risk”. He can't say how much he hates their management right now. Why don't they understand? It's worth everything!

 

He stays at Liam's because they are both miserable and they are both lonely and it feels good to have each other around. And they are the only ones in London. Niall is still in Ireland with his family, who could blame him for that? And Zayn has to do his job promoting Little Mix and go on fancy, romantic dates with Perrie. At the moment they are in Disney Land if Harry's right.

He feels bad for Zayn, but he is also kind of proud of the older boy. Modest had been really hard on Zayn over this last year, maybe even harder than on him and Louis. And yet Zayn is still here, and more importantly he is still smiling. Somehow he seems to be stronger than he has ever been.

Hopefully, Harry thinks, he is allowed to celebrate his 21st birthday with them and doesn't have to go out with Perrie again.

 

 

 

“Harry?”

 

The young boy looks up in confusion, he didn't notice Liam entering the room. As he looks at his watch he notices that it is already after midnight, and wonders what Liam wants.

 

“Soo, how are you doing?” The older boy is still standing awkwardly in the frame of the door looking at his feet.

 

“Okay I guess.” Harry shrugs. “Just thinking a lot.”

 

“Yeah, me too...” Liam's voice trembles as he speaks and now Harry is genuinely worried.

 

“Li, what happened?”

 

“Nothing I just...I feel so lost...I... don't want to be alone right now. Can I...can I sleep here?”

 

Liam blushes and continues to looks at his feet

Harry sighs in relief, even if it isn't really a good thing. He was just expecting something worse.

 

He nods and shifts a little so that Liam has enough place to crawl beside him.

 

“'Course Li. Every time!”

 

 

The boys talk for a while with hushed voices even though there is no one else around. Neither of them brings up the serious stuff, all they do is chat, but as the older boy slowly drifts into sleep, Harry is glad that he has him around.

He can't sleep yet so he reaches under the bed to pull out a little box. He keeps the letters for Louis in there, the ones he didn't send yet. Somehow he'd feel bad about throwing them away.

 

He grabs a pencil and some paper and begins to write.

 

 

~~_Dear Louis,_ ~~

 

~~_I'm fine baby, how are you?_ ~~

 

 

 

Harry crosses the lines out as he looks at them. Bullshit.

 

 

 

_Dear Louis,_

 

_I miss you. Without you I don't feel complete. This feeling has never been worse than right now._

_You are my fiancée, I should be with you._

_I should be there for you during this hard days, but I can't and it hurts so much Lou._

_I'm sorry, so, so sorry._

 

_But I still believe that this is going to be our year. More than ever._

_You and me, that's all that matters._

 

 

_I'll figure something out, I promise._

_I just need a little time. Please give me a chance to make things right._

_All I want is for you, for us to be happy._

_I won't walk away from this. Don't doubt my words okay? Please._

_And if you still do it, look at the ring I gave you._

 

_I love you Louis Tomlinson._

 

_And I will find a way to fix everything._

_I'm sorry babe, I...._

 

He stops because the whole letter is stupid, fucking stupid. This sounds so weak, when right now, all he has to do is being strong for Louis. And he even fails that, how will he manage to fix something?

 

The boy with the emerald eyes put the letter back in the box beside the other as his phone rings.

His heart skips as he sees Louis' name on the display.

 

“Louis.”

 

“Harry.”

 

“God, I miss you.”

 

“I know. I miss you too, honey!”

 

“I love you. I'm lost without you.”

 

“I'll be back soon.”

 

“Thank you, Louis!”

 

“I love you too babe, I love you more than anything.”

 

“I love you!”

  
  
“Good night baby!”

  
  
“Sleep well, sweet-cheeks.”

 

“I'll try.”

 

“ And Lou?”

 

“Yes?

 

“Come home.”  
  


"Yes."

 

He has tears in the corner of his eyes as they hang up.

 

 

“Was that Louis?”

 

Harry tried to be as quite as possible, but he Liam still woke up.

 

“Yep.”

 

“Is he okay?”

  
“I guess.”

 

“I'm sorry, Hazza.”

 

Harry frowns.

 

“Why?”

 

“Because I'm here and Louis is not. Because I couldn't protect you. Because I wasn't as helpful as I could have been in the past year. But I'll help you know, okay?”

 

Harry turns around so that he fully faces Liam.

  
“Li listen, you, Zayn and Niall are the reasons that we made it so far. You picked us up when we were on the ground, even when you weren't able to stop us from falling all the time. There's nothing to be sorry for, do you hear me?”

 

“I just really wish I could make it easier somehow. You deserve to be together.”

 

Harry can't help but smile at the words of his friend. He closes in and pulls his arms around the older boy.

 

“Thanks Li. It helps a lot that you're here!”

 

“Yeah...me too, you know. It's good to have you around.”

 

The boys fall asleep like this, close to each other, thankful not be be alone, but in the arms of a really good friend. Maybe that's the way they'll make it. Together with the boys, that have become so much more then just friends. Hand in hand with the boys that are family, Harry thinks before he closes his eyes

 

When Harry's phone buzzes on the bedside table he is already asleep in Liam's strong arms.

 

 

_**This is going to be our year Harry!** _

_**Love always, Louis** _

 

 


	2. Not afraid.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I mean I am afraid, I'm afraid of a lots of things. But not of being with you and not of fighting for our love.

Today is Zayn's Birthday and Harry feels that it kills Liam that he can't be with him just as much as it kills Harry not to be with Louis. He'd do anything to help his friend, but he has not even a idea how to help himself right now. They went to see Zayn for a bit yesterday since he was back in London and Liam wouldn't shut up about him. Harry is not sure if it was a good idea or not since they weren't allowed to spend more than an hour and they are not allowed to see him today. Modest and their fucking “it's to risky!”

Sometimes Harry wonders when this happened. When did they become so trapped, so controlled to by their management? So controlled that they can't even spend their free time with the people they want to? Harry doesn't really get it himself, and sometimes he reads all the conspiracy theories their fans make and they are always so sure about them being together and spending the holidays along side each other, that Harry wonders if they would be disappointed with them.

It's going to change, Harry says to himself. This year is going to be different. They promised and like Louis said, Love is keeping the promise anyway.

 

But tomorrow is the day. All the boys will finally come back to London which means that Harry will see Louis again and he literally can't wait. He is totally nervous and probably not very helpful with anything right now. All he does is sitting in the room, rereading Louis' letters over and over again.

 

 

_The only thing I know for sure is that I can't live without you._

_And that something was missing before I've known you._

_I kind of always knew. It always felt like I wasn't complete. But I thought that it just was a thing of being a teenager. I guess I was wrong._

_Do you know that feeling when all of the love songs in the radio suddenly make sense?_

_And that you can't stop smiling even if you know it looks dumb?_

_I felt that all with you. I couldn't sleep at night because I made up all the scenarios in my head, I wished would happen._

_I don't think, I can ever have this feelings for another person. Actually I know I can't._

_And I also know that I wouldn't felt this if I hadn't met you._

_I don't believe in fate...But I don't think that there is any way, any life, any world where we hadn't met either. It's always you Harry Styles. No matter what._

 

_**And I choose you;** _

_**in a hundred lifetimes,** _

_**in a hundred worlds,** _

_**in any version of reality,** _

_**I'd find you and I'd choose you.** _

 

_Yeah I would have searched for you, because without you, I'm missing half of me._

_I'm not complete._

 

Harry is feeling exactly what Louis describes. He is just not himself without Louis by his side.

And if he always thought that it was weak to fully depend on someone else he realized how strong you really become. How forceful it makes him that he has someone he can rely on every time. Like no matter what time it is in the morning he can always call him and Louis won't be mad.

And whenever Harry is insecure or mad about something really stupid and unimportant, Louis listens regardless. He is always there to comfort him.

 

 

_It's nonsense, you are a boy you can't have a boyfriend, says management._

_It is what it is, I say._

_It's a disaster, what will your fans think, says management,_

_It's nothing but pain, we don't want you to get hurt, my friends say._

_It's hopeless, you'll never be allowed to be with him, they say._

_It is what it is, I say._

_It's ridiculous, two boys in love, says the media._

_It's foolhardy, your affecting the whole band with this, says management._

_It's impossible, he said it is bullshit, the fans say._

_It is what it is and I love Harry Styles, if you like it or not. I'm in love with him, I say._

 

 

How does he deserve someone so beautiful and talented and kind-hearted as Louis, Harry wonders. When did he get so lucky? Sometimes he thinks that he is not good enough for this wonderful boy but Louis always tells him otherwise. Harry is still insecure about this. In his eyes Louis is perfect, everything he has ever wished for, even more. And he in contrast is just a lost teenager with a lot of troubles and insecurities. But they have found each other and that's all that counts, isn't?

And then again Louis had ask for his hand. He really wants to marry him. This is not a dream.

 

_I felt it three years ago, but I was to shy to admit it._

_I felt it the first time we kissed but I was too afraid to say it._

_I feel it now, stronger than ever._

_And I'm positive that I will feel it twenty, fifty, even a hundred years from now._

_And then I would like to be able to tell you everyday how much I love you._

 

Out of a habit Harry grabs the paper and his pencil. He knows he won't send the letter to Louis, but maybe that isn't what really counts. Maybe what counts is that he writes them and that he thinks of him everyday. And if the time is right he can still give the letters to him. If he wants to.

 

_Dear Louis,_

 

_I feel like I don't tell you enough how much I love you. I will tell you everyday from now._

_And I don't even care if you think it is too cheesy or anything. You are my fiancée now, I'm allowed to do stuff like this!_

 

_When you asked me if I want to marry you it was the greatest day of my life. I couldn't believe it. I've always dreamed of this moment. And it was even more perfect than I imagined._

 

_But there are moments when I still feel like I'm not good enough and that what I can give you is not good enough. You deserve everything Louis Tomlinson._

_And I know that you hate it when I say I'm not enough. So I will shut up about it._

 

_But I can give you so much more than I can give you now. I want it all for you and I want it all with you._

_So I not only will do everything that's in my power to make 2014 our year, but also every single year that follows._

 

_I can't wait to be your husband Louis. I love you so much and that you love me back means everything in this world._

 

_You give me the strength and the power to be the person I want to be._

_And this year I want to be more honest, more genuine, more open and a lot stronger._

 

_With you by my side I know that it will worked._

 

_You showed me not to give up Lou. You showed me that things are worth it. Some things at least._

_They are worth everything._

 

_We are worth it._

 

_You are worth it!_

 

_Louis I can't wait to see you._

_You can't imagine how much I missed you, Honey.  
And I'm so glad to have you back tomorrow._

_I will hold you in my arms and never let you go again. And that's a promise!_

 

_I'm looking forward to this year. I know that it will be hard. I know that it's a long way to go till we have what we want. I know that we will struggle and that we will fall, but it's okay._

_I'm not afraid Louis._

_I mean I am afraid, I'm afraid of a lots of things. But not of being with you and not of fighting for our love._

 

Harry stops writing. It is true, he feels it. He doesn't need to be afraid of being with Louis because nothing bad can happen, as long as he has him in his life. And he will fight for it, even if that means losing sometimes. When he got Louis it's always a win.

 

 

This time Harry hears when Liam enters his room and he looks up from his bed, closing the box with the letter carefully.

 

“Already back home?”

 

“Yeah, wasn't really in the mood of partying.”

 

Liam smiles weakly and Harry points on the free space beside him to let the older boy know he would enjoy the company.

 

They both lay down beside each other and for a moment they just stay quiet.

 

After a while Harry turns around and lifts himself up on his elbow so he can see Liam.

 

“Are you okay? I mean under the given circumstances?”

 

Liam shrugs and Harry can see how broken he is and it hurts him.

 

“I think we far away from being okay actually, Hazza. But we are working on getting there again, aren't we?”

 

“I hope so!”

 

Harry reaches out for the hand of his friend.

 

“We'll be okay eventually, I'm sure Li.”

 

“Can I ask you something?”

 

“Everything.”  
  


“With you and Louis...I mean at the beginning, what did it feel like? When did you know that he was the one for you?”

 

Harry looks at his friend. He doesn't really know where this question is coming from but he tries to answer it the best he can.

 

“I don't know, the feeling was just there, pretty much right from the start. And then it developed, you know. It got stronger and stronger with everyday. It still is.”

 

“But weren't you confused?”

 

Liam's voice becomes quieter.

 

“About liking a boy, I mean?”

 

Harry sighs because he thinks he knows were this is leading.

 

“I dealt with that a long time before I even met Louis. You know that Li.”  
  


“Yeah but...isn't it weird? I mean....I don't know...?”

 

Harry closes the distance so he is able to look into Liam's brown eyes.

 

“Li, you've seen my and Louis' relationship from the very beginning. Is anything weird about that?”

 

“No, of course not, if two people in the world are destined to be together it's you and Louis.”

 

“So what is your problem then?”

 

“I don't know, maybe I'm just...confused. I'm sorry.”

 

Harry's squeezes Liam's hand and rest his head on the older boy's shoulder.

 

“You don't have to be Liam. It's okay.”

 

“Louis really loves you, you know? You're a lucky man.”

 

“I definitely am, Li. Sometimes I wonder how I deserve someone like him.”

 

Liam frowns and the look he gives Harry is really serious.

 

“Hazza. Do you realise that you are the best thing that ever could have happened to Louis. That you made him believe in true love. And that he could never lose you? You know that Hazza, don't you?”

 

“Yes I do Li, but sometimes it's hard to believe you know. He is just so perfect.”

 

Liam hums in agreement and for a while they are quiet again.

 

Harry thinks about how his heart was beating a million times faster every time he was around Louis in the X-Factor house. And that he couldn't believe it at Louis liked him back. And now all of this is more than three years ago and his love for this boy only grows. He sometimes wonders how it is all working. They are both so young, maybe too young for a love like this. But it feels right. Yes it does.

 

“Can I ask you something now?”

 

“Course Hazza.”

 

Liam smiles as he cuddle closer to the younger boy and Harry is again happy not to be alone.

 

“Where is the thing between you and Zayn going? I mean we all see that there is something, obviously but I'm just not sure you know? You never talk about it and neither does Zayn.”  
  


“It's not that easy. It's new to both of us. And then there are Perrie and Sophia, and management trying to make us persons we are not. There is not so much time to figure out who we really are.”

 

“But you care for him?”

 

“I care for him Harry. More than anything. I guess that's what called love isn't it?”

 

“I guess. But you know he loves you too, right? Because he does.”

 

Liam nods softly and buries his face into Harry's blue sweater.

 

“Are you afraid of getting married?”  
  


“No not really. I mean it is a big step. But I never wanted something more in my life.”

 

Harry looks at his engagement ring and smile.

  
“No I'm not afraid.”

 

“It gives me hope to see the two of you together, you know? I see you looking at each other and somehow I feel saver. I don't now if you realise it but your love makes everyone around you stronger.”

 

Harry doesn't really now how to answer that. He always thought that he and Louis would make it harder for the people around them, especially for their band mates. Because their management wasn't so hard of them before they find out and the rumours about him and Louis started.

 

“You...you really thinks so?”  
  


“Yes Hazza. We all need a little hope now and then. And you two showed me that it is always worth fighting for.”

 

Harry wants to answer something as his phone buzzes. He reaches over at the bedside table to see that it is a message from Louis.

 

He starts to smile immediately.

 

“See, this is what I meant” Liam jokes as he reaches for his own phone.

  
“I'm gonna call Zayn okay? Just need to tell him that I miss him.”

 

“Alright. Say hi from me.”

 

As soon as Liam has left the room Harry opens Louis' message.

 

“ _ **Just wanted to check in. You okay babe? I miss you. Can't wait for tomorrow.”**_

__****  
  
“I'm fine now. It's good to know that you're in my arms soon.”

 

“ _ **I'm going to bed now darling. I love you so much, you know that? It kills me when I don't see you for so long.”**_

 

“ _ **I feel the same Lou. So glad this is over tomorrow. It hurts not being able to feel you.”**_

 

“ _ **Good night babe. I'll see you tomorrow. I love you xxx”**_

 

“ _ **I wish you sweet dreams. Tomorrow will be the start of our year, okay?”**_

__

“ _ **It's the start of everything Harry. You and me.”**_

 

“ _ **I love you so much Louis. Tomorrow is too far away.”**_

 

Harry smiles to himself as he pictures Louis lying in his bed. He would give a lot the be by his side right now. But tomorrow is near, he thinks as he closes his eyes. Then he will finally be able to hold Louis in his arms again, to kiss his beautiful lips and to feel his soft skin. He can't wait.

 

As Liam sneaks in and crawls under the blanket Harry is already at the edge of sleep.  
  
“Everything okay?” He mumbles as he feel the older boy relaxing beside him.

“No. But it will be.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hoped you liked it :) 
> 
> Unfortunately, I won't be able to upload anything for the next few days, I'm sorry.
> 
> Wish you all a wonderful week :) 
> 
> And a massive (late) Happy Birthday to my angel Zaynie :)


	3. My way home is through you.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You are my home, you know? It doesn't matter where I am, as long as you are by my side. Only with you I feel like home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry it took me so long to update.
> 
> The parts printed in cursive characters are either letters or things that happened a few days ago, I hope it's not confusing :)
> 
> Enjoy xxx

Harry is making plans. Harry is making plans of how it will be when he and Louis are free. He can't wait. It will be soon, he feels it.

And maybe it has to happen soon. The image of the boys it's getting worse everyday, because a lot of people know that they are hiding something. That they lie about their life.

  
Harry doesn't even won't to think about it. It's like people calling him a man whore. He was bordered by this a lot at the beginning but he learned to cope with it. He knows the truth, his family and his friends know the truth. And he has learned that this is all that matters.

 

This and having Louis back in his arms.

 

 

“ _Harry I've missed you.”_

 

“ _I've missed you too, Louis. Was way to long.”_

 

_The boys hold each other tight, breath each other in like they haven't been together for month. It feels like that at least. Louis smells like home, Harry thinks. That all he an think honestly. Home. Finally._

 

“ _Oh Harry, you can't imagine how much I've missed you.”_

_  
“I know exactly how you feel, Lou, believe me!”_

 

_The younger boy buries his face in his boyfriend's shoulder._

 

“ _You smell so good.”_

 

“ _I want to feel you Harry, now. I need to feel you.”_

 

_Louis slides his fingers under Harry's sweater._

 

“ _I want to feel you so bad.”_

 

_The two boys get rid of their sweaters and jeans and lay down on their bed. Harry would be fine with just feeling Louis' lips on his own for now, but the older boys has other things in his mind._

_He kisses Harry's collar bones, leaving small bruises and then continues to kiss Harry's chest, his stomach, his arms._

 

“ _What's wrong Louis?”_

 

_Harry frowns as his boyfriend stops kissing and stares at his arms._

 

“ _Louis?”_

 

“ _What did you do?”_

 

_Harry needs a moment to get what Louis is talking about._

 

“ _Why did you cover your tattoos?”_

 

_Louis voice sounds weak and Harry is confused that it means so much to the other boy. This are just tattoos right? But then again, they are not._

 

“ _Come her Lou.”_

 

_He opens his arms and smiles as his fiancée comes closer so they can face each other._

 

“ _Your tattoos. Harry, did they make you do it? Your 'Things I can't' and 'I can't change', Baby, they meant so much to you. You loved them. I loved them.”_

_  
“I know, I know.”_

 

_Harry pecks Louis lips carefully before he continues._

 

“ _I loved them and they really were a big part of me. But I just feel like they aren't now, not any more, you know? I can change Louis, I mean not in who I love, but I can change the way I deal with it. And I told you before I'm not afraid any more. I want to be with you and I want anyone to know.”_

 

“ _What about the 'Things I can't'?”_

 

“ _Well, I just feel like there is nothing that I can't do or face with you by my side. And there is also nothing I can't accomplish with your help. No more things I can't Lou. There are only things I can.”_

 

_Louis' eyes are filled with tears as he kisses the younger boy but his lips are smiling against Harry's mouth._

 

“ _Oh my gosh Harry, I love you so much.”_

 

But now Harry is in LA again, alone in his hotel room, laying in bed and listening to “Holes” by Passanger.

He had continued writing letters to Louis since he came back, but he still hasn't had the courage to gave them to him.

 

Of course, he plans on giving them to Louis, just not now. It just doesn't feel like the right moment to him right now.

 

 

_Louis,_

 

_I really hope you know that you are everything to me._

_You are the love of my life. You are my home, you know? It doesn't matter where I am, as long as you are by my side. Only with you I feel like home.  
_

 

_I know it is hard right now, I know that it hurts that we can't be together like we want to._

_But we will get there eventually._

 

_It sucks when I have to be in LA and you are not here with me._

 

_I already miss you again. Just come here please???_

 

Harry gets interrupted by his phone buzzing. He looks at the screen and sees that it is an incoming call from Liam.

 

“Hey Hazza.”

 

“Li how are you doing?”

 

“Okay, I guess. How are you?”

 

“Good.”

 

“When are you coming home?”

 

“I don't know. Soon, in a few days.”

 

“That's good. Louis misses you. We all miss you, Hazza.”

 

“I miss you too Liam.”

 

“Okay, I have to hang up now, I just wanted to check in.”

 

“Bye Li, I love you.”

 

“I love you too Harry."

 

_Louis groans as Harry stands up to open the door for whoever dares to ring the bell at 3 am in the morning._

_The younger boy opens the door and even if he was in the sweetest dreams a minute ago is is fully awake now. In front of him stands Liam and he looks poorly. Harry can see the traces of tears on his cheeks and he also smells that he had drunk a lot._

 

“ _Liam! What happened? Come in.”_

 

_The older boy stumbles into the hallway and Harry makes sure to hold him, so he doesn't fall._

 

“ _Louis, I'm gonna need you here.”_

 

_Louis is up on his feet in a second. He knows his boyfriend and the tone in his voice is worrying him a lot._

 

_As he enters the living room he finds his boyfriend on the couch with a very broken Liam in his arms. He doesn't hesitate to join the boys, wrapping his arms around both of them in comfort._

 

“ _What happened, Li?”_

 

_His voice sounds soft and caring and that's what Harry loves about him._

 

“ _I fucked up. I fucked up big time Lou. I'm sorry.”_

 

_Harry strokes his hair, trying to get him calm._

_  
“I'm sure it is not that bad.”_

 

“ _It's even worse Hazza. I'm so sorry.”_

 

_Louis frowns as he locks eyes with his boyfriend._

 

“ _Liam seriously, tell us what happened. Please!”_

 

_Harry is fully worried by now. What could be so bad that Liam acts like this._

 

“ _Is Zayn okay?”_

 

_Louis' voice isn't soft anymore._

 

“ _I don't know.”_

 

“ _You don't know? Liam!”_

 

_The older boy forces his friend to look at him._

 

“ _Is Zayn okay?” He repeats. “Liam, if you did anything that'll hurt him, I swear to god, I'll..”_

 

“ _But, I...”_

 

“ _Li, what the hell did you do?”_

 

“ _I...I'm sorry.”_

 

_Tears are streaming down Liam's face and Harry just wants to hug him and make all his pain go away. He can't stand seeing one of his boys like this._

 

“ _Liam, come on, we want to help you, but therefore we need to know.”_

 

_Harry admires how calm Louis stays right now. He on the other hand is at the edge of tears himself and he can't even get a thought straight in his head._

_Liam wipes his tears away and takes a deep breath before he looks at his two friends._

 

“ _You know I'm not homophobic, right?”_

 

_His voice is still weak as he says it and it's definitely not what Harry and Louis were expecting._

_They look at each other in confusion._

 

“ _I'm not homophobic, fuck, I'm in love with a guy.”_

 

_Liam's voice is louder now and he sounds somehow angry. Louis and Harry have still no clue about what it means._

 

“ _Is this about Zayn?” Harry asks carefully because he knows it is a dificult subject for his friend._

 

“ _Yes. And no.” Liam shrugs. He let's himself sink back against the sofa and covers his face with his hands._

 

“ _I might have tweeted something about that Duck Dynasty TV-Show and apparently they are all homophobes and now everyone thinks that I'm too. And I might have gotten a little angry and tweeted a lot of shit and caused even more trouble than I already had and now Zayn is going to think that I find him disgusting because we never really talk about the thing which is going on between us and I really need your help.”_

 

_Liam speaks quite fast and his face is still buried in his hands so the boys have trouble catching the words he is saying. For a few seconds everything is really quiet._

 

“ _And now you hate me too.”_

 

“ _No, no, of course we don't Li!”_

 

_Harry pulls the older boy into a hug._

 

“ _We know that you are not homophobic or anything.”_

 

_Louis nods as he picks up his phone._

 

“ _What are you doing?”_

 

“ _I'm calling Zayn.”_

 

“ _No please, Lou, don't. He already tried to reach me but I didn't answer. I can't talk to him right now.”_

 

“ _I'm sorry Liam, but I don't think that you have a choice. You two need to talk. It's long overdue.”_

 

“ _But he hates me.”_

 

“ _He doesn't, Li. He couldn't. He loves you.”_

 

 

_Half an hour later Louis and Harry are back in their bed room while Zayn and Liam are sorting things out in the living room. The boys lay on the bed and listen to the hushed voices of their friends._

 

“ _Do you think they'll figure it out?”_

 

_Harry moves closer to Louis because he wants to feel the boys skin against his own._

_  
“I'm sure they will.”_

 

“ _You are always so good with crises. I'm not sure what I would have done without you.”_

 

“ _I was just trying to help them.”_

 

_Harry leans in to place a soft kiss on Louis' beautiful pink lips. Damn, he loves everything about this boy. Louis pulls him closer and grinds against him, deepening the kiss until both boys run out of breath._

 

“ _Isn't it funny?” Harry looks at Louis as they pull apart._

 

“ _What's funny love?”_

 

“ _I mean not so long ago we were the ones who come to the boys crying or eyes out after a fight or stuff. And now look at us. We've become this happy, engaged couple who gives relationship advices to its friends.”_

 

“ _And I love us.”_

 

 

Harry smiles as he thinks of Louis but in the next second he feels this deep pain in his heart because Louis in not there and he is all alone in an unfamiliar hotel room. He looks down at the pencil in his hand and remembers what he was doing before Li called.

He tries to continue his letter.

 

_Louis, I'm not afraid any more and I know we'll get through this but it's so much harder when I'm away from you. I want to hold you so bad right now. I want to kiss you..._

 

_But Lou, imagine in a few years we don't have to care about this stuff any more because we've come out to the world and we are married._

_I want to marry so as soon as possible Mr. Tomlinson._

 

_I want you to be mine and I'll be yours._

 

_Have you seen the marriage ceremony at the Grammys? We could get married like this, what do you think? A big ceremony on national TV? Our fans would love it._

 

_But I think I would like to keep it small and more private. Maybe somewhere on the beach?_

_The beach would be perfect._

 

_And my best man would be Li and Zayn would be yours and Niall could be our flower girl._

 

_And our mums would cry, oh they would. We wouldn't have your side and my side, the people will just sit in the sand and no one is allowed to wear shoes. You'd like that, wouldn't you?_

 

_I guess I would cry too._

_Because it will be the best day of our lives. And I've waited so long for it to finally happen._

 

_Damn Louis, this makes me miss you even more. I want you next to me so we can make plans together. I would like to know how you imagine our day. What do you want to wear? Who do you want to come?_

 

_We could get another pair of matching tattoos. Oh that would be awesome._

_I think of a heart on our ring fingers. Or half a heart, which connects when we intertwine hands?_

_We could also write bravery on our body or the date of our wedding. It can be anything Louis because we will not have to hide it any more._

_Do you hear me? No more “It's just a boat” or “It's just a bird”. Never again._

 

_Fuck, I miss you Lou. I love you._

 

Harry gets interrupted again as his phone buzzes. It's a message from Zayn this time.

 

_**Hey mate, I just wanted to check in and see if you're good over there. We all miss you. Hope you'll be back soon. Love you, Zxxx** _

 

Harry smiles and writes a short text back that yes, he is good, and oh, he misses them too and yeah, he hopefully will be home soon.

 

Then he tucks the latest letter into the boy and lays down at his bed. It's already 2 am so he should probably get to sleep. It's 10 am in London, Harry figures out so there is a chance that Louis is already awake. He grabs his phone and presses 2 because Louis is, of course, on speed dialling.

 

“Hey love, how are you.”

 

“Louis. Okay I guess. And you?”

 

“Could be better. But I'll manage it.”

 

“How are Zayn and Liam doing?”

 

“Better. They are actually talking about stuff. Important stuff, I mean.”

 

“That's good.”

 

“It is.”

 

“And Nialler?”

 

“Just the lovely sunshine he is.”

 

Harry smiles at himself and he wonders if Louis is smiling too.

 

“When are you coming home?”

 

“Just a few more days!”

 

“That's good. I miss you.”

 

“I miss you too.”

 

“Shouldn't you be asleep right now?”

 

“I'm already in bed, I just...I...”

 

Harry pauses. He doesn't want to sound needy or weak. But to be honest, right now, he is a little bit of both.

 

“Harry?”

Louis' voice sounds worried as the younger boy doesn't answers immediately.

 

“Can you...can you stay on the phone until I fall asleep. You don't have to speak or anything, just don't go...please?”

 

“Of course, sweety. Anything.”

Harry feels like he can his his boyfriend smile over the phone.

 

“I love you Louis Tomlinson.”

 

“I love you too Harry Styles. Now close your pretty eyes. Good night honey.”

 

And Harry does as he's been told and falls asleep by Louis gently humming Michael Buble's “Home”.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading,   
> hope you liked it.
> 
> Lots of love.


	4. Near Wild Heaven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Perfect. It sounds perfect."

On the morning of his birthday Harry Styles wakes up by someone calling his name.

 

“Harry, Harry wake up.”

 

But Harry doesn't want to, not today. He had a really shit night, he just couldn't fall asleep. And as he did he dreamt of Louis so he really didn't want to wake up yet.

 

“Harry, I made breakfast, and it's your birthday, you have to get up!”

 

Harry buried his head deeper in his pillows.

  
“I don't want to, please five more minutes, Lou...”

 

Suddenly Harry is awake and he lift his head up to look at the owner of the voice.

 

“LOUIS?”

 

“Alive and in person.”

 

“What are you doing here?”

 

Harry gets up and jumps into his boyfriend's welcoming arms.

 

“Oh my god, I thought you weren't allowed to be there.”

 

Harry smells Louis in and he feels his hands on his back and in his hair.

 

“It's your birthday, did you really things I would miss this.”

 

“Thank you, that is the best birthday present ever.”

 

The younger boy pulls out of the hug and takes a moment to adore the beautiful boy in front of him.

 

“Oh, I love you.”

 

He kisses Louis as if it was the last time he could fee this beautiful lips against his own.

 

“Stop, love, as much as I want this, the boys are downstairs. They are waiting to see you.”

 

“What...they are?”

 

“Right here.”

 

“I love you, I love you, I love you!”

 

Harry places a last soft kiss on Louis' lips and then he runs downstairs.

 

As he enters the kitchen/living room his three best friends are welcoming him with open arms and they join in a giant group hug. This is really the best birthday ever, Harry thinks.

 

He has tears in the corner of his eyes as he steps away from Zayn and smiles and his band mates.

 

“I've missed you.”

 

“We missed you too.” Niall says with a big smile. “That's why we are here.”

 

Harry is not sure if to laugh or cry. This boys are his life and he doesn't want to be apart of them any more. He don't want to have other people control his life.

 

“How long can you stay?” He askes as he smiles at his best friends.

 

“We have the whole day!”

 

The youngest boy looks at the others in disbelief.

 

“How did you...I thought we weren't allowed to...how did you convince them?”

 

Harry can't believe that this is really happening. He is sure to be the luckiest man on the planet right now. This is the best birthday ever.

 

“This has to stay a secret. And now come on, I'm starving.” Niall smirks and pulls Harry with him in the living room.

 

Harry spend the entire day with four of the most important persons in his life. They have to stay inside the flat because management plans to spread some rumours that he is out with Kendall, but it doesn't really matter. It is the best day Harry had in a long, long time.

 

In the evening the boys say their goodbyes and hug Harry tight before they leave him and Louis alone. He leans onto the older boy after they closed the door.

 

“Thanks Louis, really. This was just what I needed.”

 

“How could I miss your birthday, Harry Styles?” The boy with the bright blue eyes smiles widly and stands up on his tiptoes to leave a kiss on his boy's lips.

 

“Come on, I have something for you.”

 

Harry follows the boy and he doesn't believe his eyes as they enter the bedroom.

 

“When did you do that?”

 

There re roses everywhere and the room shines in the light of what seems to be hundreds of candles.

 

“Back when you were busy beating Zaynie in FIFA.”

 

Louis smiles as he sees Harry's face.

 

“I love you honey, and I will never miss a birthday or a anniversary or a Christmas eve or anything else for the rest of our lives.”

  
“Thanks.” Harry whispers and embraces his boyfriend into a hug. This is perfect.

 

“Oh and this is your present.” He gives him a blue envelope which Harry opens immediately.

 

“It's from the boys and me.”

 

“This is....”

 

“”Yes, a gift card for your favourite tattoo artist. But look, there is more.”

 

Harry pulls out a paper and unfolds it. He sees the drawing of to halves of a heart, both standing in flames. He looks up at Louis tears in his eyes.

 

“This is...beautiful.”

 

“Zayn helped me design it. But I did most of it myself.”

 

Harry can't speak. He can't find the words to how perfect this is. He just steps forward and kisses Louis, he kisses him and holds on to him and hopes he understands.

 

“I love over matching tattoos. I thought it would be time for a new one. The halves fit, you know.”

 

“And I love you, Louis Tomlinson.”

 

“Louis Tomlinson-Styles.”

 

“What?”

 

“Louis Tomlison-Styles. I think it sounds good, doesn't it?”

  
“Perfect. It sounds perfect.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a really short, fluffy chapter because it is Harry's 20th Birthday. (I'm not crying.)  
> Also the first one without any letter, I'm sorry!
> 
> Thanks everyone for reading, I love you guys.
> 
> And of course: 
> 
> Happy Birthday to my baby Harry Styles, oh my good 20 years. I'm so proud, hope he has a good one. :)
> 
> xxx


	5. When it isn't like it should be.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm not afraid to save my heart for you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not really sure what to think about this one, hope it's not confusing :)

 

“Why would he do that?”

 

Harry's voice is not more than a whisper as he looks at Liam, eyes filling with tears, hands shaking.

 

“I don't know.”

 

Liam opens his arms to let the younger boy in.

 

“I'm sorry, I really....I'm sure it is just a big misunderstanding.”

 

Harry nods, but he fails to hold back his tears.

  
“I thought this would be over soon.” He buries his head deep into Liam's sweater. “I don't know if we can stand another year like this, I...I...”

 

Harry can't speak any more because he is crying so hard. He feels Liam's hands stroking his hair.

“Shh, Harry it is okay. It is going to be okay, we'll fix this. I'm sure, it will work out. Shh, Hazza. He loves you, you know that. Okay? Hazza, it is okay. It's okay.”

 

 

One hour later Harry lays at the couch in Niall's living room and he, Niall and Liam are watching Supernatural. The youngest boy is still hurt, confused most of all. But he'd rather not think about it now. Instead he listens to Liam's and Niall's discussion about which Winchester is the cooler brother. (“It is definitely Dean, come on Niall, you can't be serious with this.” “What? Dean is a freaking loser, Sam is so much cooler.”) as his phone rings. He looks at the screen and sees that it's an incoming call from Louis, but he is not sure if he is ready to talk to him.

  
“Is that Louis?” Harry nods.

Without bothering to ask, Niall grabs the phone and answers the call.

  
“He doesn't want to talk to you right now! What the hell were you thinking Louis?”

Harry can't understand his boyfriend's answer. “No Louis, just leave us alone.”

 

Niall ends the call and Harry is afraid to say something, because you barely see him upset like this.

“I think I'm going to bed I'm going to bed.” He whispers instead and stands up. He had agreed to stay at Niall's place over night and maybe it was a good decision, because there is no way he is going home to Louis right now.

  
“You sure, you're okay?” Liam has this worried look in his eyes and Harry knows they just want to protect him but at this moment he needs to be alone.

“Yep sure. Good night boys. Thanks. Love you.

 

“Love you too Hazza.”

 

 

 

“I just got an message from Li, Harry is staying at Niall's tonight.”

 

“Fuck!” Louis buries his head in his hands. “Fuck, this wasn't supposed to turn out like this.”

 

Zayn moves closer to the older boy and rubs his back in circles to comfort him.

 

“Just tell him the truth about why you did it. He will understand.” Louis shakes his head and sighs.

“No, you know him Zayn. He would mess everything up as soon as I tell him.”

 

He leans into his friend. “It's just one more year Z. I have to be strong for him. Even if he hates me. I'll just hope that he forgives me eventually.”

 

The older boy notices that Zayn's phone buzzes again. “You can go and see Liam. I'm good, really Z.”

 

“No Lou, I'm not leaving you now. Li is still at Niall's because he wants to watch over Harry. So it's just fair if I'm staying with you.”

 

“But he will get angry if he finds out where you are.I don't want to mess up everything, Zayn.”

 

“You don't Louis. Liam and I will be fine. Just as you and Harry.”

 

He pulls Louis into a hug and holds him tight. “You did everything right Lou. I would have done the same thing.”

 

Louis closes his eyes, feels the warmth of Zayn's body and he is glad not to be alone.

“Thanks, Z.”

 

 

In Niall's guest room Harry lays on the bed, wide awake. He doesn't bother checking his phone even though he knows that there are tons of unread messages from Louis. Or maybe it is because of that.

Instead he pulls out pencil and paper which he always carries with him and begins to write.

 

 

_Louis,_

 

~~_I think that_ ~~

~~_Fuck why would you do that to_ ~~

~~_Louis, I just don't understand why_ ~~

~~_I'm so hurt right now, I_ ~~

~~_Wasn't this supposed to be our year?_ ~~

 

 

“Fuck!” Harry screws up the piece of paper and looks at the new, blank one.

 

_Louis,_

 

_first of all, I love you, I love you so much but I don't understand why you did this and that's why it's hurting so much._

_My heart aches because this is supposed to be our year, Lou. I want it so bad to be the year we can announce our love to each other. But maybe I was wrong thinking that everything would work out that fast. We will have to fight for it and hell, it is going to be hard._

_But I'm in Louis, I'm in with all I have. So I need you to fight on my side. Not on your own._

_And you can't just decide things like that behind my back. Or at least you have to tell me why._

_I just don't understand, I thought it was over and now?_

 

_Am I going to fast? Are you afraid?_

_I'm sorry if I pushed you, we don't have to marry this year, I can wait._

_I will wait if you need me too, I don't care how long it takes._

_I'm not afraid to save my heart for you._

 

_You are my fiancée now and that means in good times as in bad._

_I'm here Louis, right here, can't you see that?_

 

_I can't tell you how much I want to hold you in my arms right now. But I needed some time to think._

_And it won't be good tomorrow, I will still be hurt and I will still be confused._

_But I will be there for you._

_So please let me, okay? Let me in, because it freaking hurts when you're pushing me away._

_I'm holding on for life, Louis. I'm here._

_For better and for worse, because that's what this is all about._

 

_I need you Louis. I need you when I'm at my best, but I also need you when I'm falling, when I'm scared and broken. And most of all I need you to need me back._

_I'm here for you Louis, please let me in..._

 

 

He must have been fallen asleep because he wakes up to loud voices outside the room.  
  
“Let me in, Niall!”

 

“No, you're not going in there Louis, not before you told us what the hell is going on here!”

 

“Liam, please, I need to see him, tell Niall that I need to see Harry.”

 

The youngest boy opens the door slowly to see his four best friends standing in the hall way. Niall and Louis are facing each other while Liam and Zayn are standing in the back, but both on different sides.

 

As they notice Harry they all turn to the curly one.

 

“Harry.” Louis' voice sounds as if he had cried and as Harry takes a closer look he notices that Louis is poorly. He is alarmingly pale, his hair is rumpled and you can see the stains of tears on his cheeks. And all Harry can think of is to hug him and kiss his tears away.

 

“Harry, go back to your room, we'll handle it.” Niall says nervously.

 

But Harry ignores his friend and steps closer towards the boys.

 

“It's okay.”

 

He makes one more step, so he is in front of Louis and can look in his beautiful eyes.

 

“Harry...”

 

“Why?” He tries to make his voice sound strong and detached but it isn't working.

 

“Babe, I'm sorry, I never meant to hurt you, I...”

 

“Then why did you sign a contract for one more year with Eleanor without even telling me? It was supposed to be over this February. Why, Louis?”

 

“I...just...I'm sorry...I had to, please Harry, forgive me. Please!”

  
And he wants to, damn he wants to forget everything that happened in the last 24 hours. The E-mail management sent informing the boys about the successful signing of the new contract, the fight with Louis as he found out the older boy was involved, the way his heart broke when he saw all the plans for their future falling apart. But he can't.

 

“I just need to know why Louis, please!”

 

“Harry, you, I love you...I...”

 

“Are you afraid Louis? If you don't want this marriage you just could have said it.”

 

“What?” Louis frowns and searches Zayn's eyes seeking help. How is he supposed to answer this?

“W...Why would you think that Harry? I proposed to you, of course I want to...”

 

“Then why Louis? Just tell me what the fuck was going on in your mind and why the hell did you not talk to me so that I had to read it in an E-mail?”

  
“I...”  
  
“Fuck this!”

 

All eyes are on Zayn in less than a second. He is never the one who speaks up and gets loud.

 

“Don't Zayn...please.”

 

“I'm sorry Lou, I can't watch you screwing up everything any longer.” He turns around to face Harry. “He did it for you. Fuck, Harry they wanted you and Kendall to sign a contract for a proper relationship over three years. Louis jumped in and convinced them to make him stay with El one year longer and let you out of it. And he didn't tell you because he knew you wouldn't let him do it!”

 

Harry can't breath. He just stands there, eyes switching between Louis and Zayn. And then he starts crying. He cries so hard that he nearly collapses on the floor but Louis arms are around him immediately and the older boy holds him tight, holds him so he is not falling. And it is okay.

 

“You do love me?”

 

Louis holds him even tighter by this, letting out a sound which is half chuckle, half cry.

“Of course I do, stupid.”

 

“And you still want to marry me?”

  
“More than anything in the world.”

 

Louis pulls away, just a little bit so he can cover Harry's lips with his own.

The youngest boy closes his eyes as Louis hugs him again, and all the boys join, feeling as save as he could ever get.

 

 

None of them had felt like sleeping after this stressful day so they just ordered Pizza and watched several episodes of Supernatural. Louis hadn't let go of Harry's hand once.

Now Harry is the last one awake. They are all on Niall's giant couch. Liam and Zayn at the left, fingers intertwined, Zayn's head resting on the younger boys shoulder, his hair brushing Liam's cheek. Niall has curled himself up to a tiny ball in the middle of the couch, head on Liam's lap, breathing slowly. Louis' head leans against Harry's chest, his are around his waist and he is so close that Harry can feel his heartbeat.

This is what forever feels like, the young boy thinks, before he drifts away to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it, thanks for reading, every single one of you :)  
> I'm genuinely sorry that I'm not able to update more often :( 
> 
> Hope you have a great week end:)
> 
> Love xxxx


	6. I've got dreams to remember.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I love you, Louis Tomlinson-Styles.  
> I hope you'll be my Valentine next year. And every year that follows.

This morning Harry wakes up in a really bad mood. He tries to shrug it of, maybe it is just because of his lack of sleep or because he woke up to rain the fourth time this week. But deep inside he knows it is none of that. He, Harry Styles, is upset because he can't spend Valentine's day with his fiancée Louis Tomlinson.

 

He knows exactly what Lou would say now. It is just a day. It means nothing. We can do something romantic any other day. But Harry wants to do it today. He knows it is stupid and childish, but he has liked Valentine's Day ever since. When he was younger he used to save all his pocket money to by flowers for his mum and Gemma. In middle school he used to send cards and flowers to all of his friends. He can't hep it, he is just crazy about this day.

And yet he and Louis never had a chance to do something dead romantic on a Valentine's Day even though Harry wants it so bad.

 

Today, Louis has to go out with Eleanor instead and it kills Harry. At least he doesn't have to spend time with Kendall. He will just stay at home all day, eating chocolate and watching stupid romantic comedies on TV. He thought about sending Louis flowers, but he didn't, knowing that Louis doesn't mind this day at all.

He could write him a letter thought, the young boy thinks, after he finished his breakfast.

He is not sue if he'll give it to Louis yet. There is a good chance it will just disappear between the others he already wrote.

 

Before he starts to write he makes himself a hot chocolate with marshmallows and opens a box of cookies. Nobody said he can't enjoy this day on his own.

 

_Dear Louis,_

 

_I know you don't care about Valentine's Day and it is okay._

 

_But I do. As I was little I always imagined how I would spend this day with the person I love the most. And I had big dreams Lou. I'm talking about candle light dinners, picnic under the stars and millions of roses. I liked the idea of getting my Valentine a rose for every month we were together so I had to add more every year. And after a few years I would have to buy a whole store of roses but I wouldn't mind spending all my money on it._

 

_I thought about getting you 36 roses and right now I'm not sure why I didn't. You deserve them all Louis. You deserve even more._

 

_If I could I would take you to the fields today. I would prepare a picnic with fruits and chocolate and chicken wrapped in parma ham (you remember?)._

_I would light candles around us and give you 36 flowers for each month we've been together, and one for being my fiancée, one for writing “Strong”, one for being strong, one for making me strong, one for being the best boyfriend in the world and a last one for having such a gorgeous ass. Damn it Louis Tomlinson._

 

_I would make a LouisandHarry-Playlist on my Ipod and we could listen to it all night. And when we would cuddle under the blankets and look at the stars, I would tell you how much I love you._

 

_Because I love you a lot, Louis._

_More than I will ever be able to understand. But I know that I need you, and I want you_

_-forever Louis!_

 

_I know it is not your fault that we can't spend today together. I know that you are sorry. And I don't blame you honey._

_Maybe next year, what do you think?_

_Can I make you love Valentine's Day?_

_I would really like to have a try._

 

_Oh and Lou, I really want to get another matching tattoo before the tour starts. I love them. And besides I love making the fans go crazy._

 

_I love you, Louis Tomlinson-Styles._

_I hope you'll be my Valentine next year. And every year that follows._

 

_Love, always. Harry Tomlinson-Styles._

 

“Hazza, wake up!”

The young boy groans as he wakes up from a beautiful dream where he had been in Paris with Louis.

“Liam what's the matter? What are you even doing here?”

 

“I've got something for you!”

 

Harry looks up and notices the red rose in his friends hand. Confused he sits up on the bed.

 

“What..Is that?”

 

That's when Liam starts to giggle. “Don't look so scared Hazza, I'm not here to confess my undying love for you. It's from Louis. I'm just the errand boy.”

 

Harry smirks. “I'm a little offended but it's okay. Don't want to make Zayn jealous.”

  
“Hey!”

 

“You already got him roses, didn't you?” Liam blushes. Now Harry is the one who giggles.

 

“You are too sweet Li, really!”

 

“Shut up Hazza., just take your rose and read the note.” He pecks Harry's cheek. “Have a good evening you two!”

 

Then he is out of the room and leaves Harry wondering what he meant with you two. He shakes his head and unfolds the note attached to the flower.

 

_**Meet me at our restaurant in 10 minutes. Dress nice. Love, L.** _

 

Harry's heart beats faster. “Their restaurant” is a small diner who is just around the corner. The owner is a sweet old lady who always gets them a table in a separated room so no one would see them.

 

In less than 5 minutes Harry is dressed in a black skinny jeans (without any holes) and a nice button up. He grabs his keys and steps outside the house. He is nervous, he wasn't even supposed to see Louis today. And Louis gives a shit about Valentine's day, doesn't he?

 

As Harry walks into the restaurant (through the back door of course) Mrs. Baker is already waiting for him.

 

“Harry my dear. Nice to see you darling. How are you?”

 

Harry smiles as he gives the old lady a hug. “I'm great, thanks you Mrs. B.”

 

The lady leads him into their room and Harry's heart skips a beat as he sees Louis standing in middle of candles and flowers.

 

“What...?” Harry gasps.

 

“Harry.” Louis smiles. “Happy Valentine's Days!”

 

The younger boy can't help but smile too as Louis embraces him into a tight hug, but he also feels his eyes getting watery.

 

As he pulls away, he looks into his fiancée's piercing blue eyes for a moment and admires their beauty.

 

“I thought you don't like Valentine's Day?”

 

“But you do. And I happen to really like you a lot Harry Styles!”

 

They both smile as their lips touch.

 

“Thanks boo. It's perfect.”

 

 

A few hours later they are back in their apartment lying on the couch and watching “Valentine's Day” (because what else?). Harry had been even more surprised as Louis had told him he'd stay the night. Not that he would complain. It was way more then he had ever hoped for.

 

“Come on Harry, you can barley hold your eyes open. Let us go to bed.”

 

“I don't want to sleep yet.” Harry complains on holds tighter onto Louis as he wants to stay up.

 

“But your tired Harry, let's go to bed.” The older boy kisses Harry's forehead.

 

“No I want to stay awake all night. Because no dream can be as beautiful as lying here with you.”

“You're an /*Idiot.” Louis mumbles but he has the widest smiles on his face as he leans back on the couch and pulls his boyfriend closer.

 

“My Idiot!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all have a wonderful Valentine's Day, whatever you are doing :)
> 
> I love you all <3


	7. You and me and the bottle makes three tonight.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I can't do this any more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Something different today:) Sorry for the wait.

**Louis' POV**

 

“Zayn, open the door.”

 

It is almost midnight and it is raining but Louis just couldn't be on his own any longer. So when Zayn opens the door the older boy is soaked wet from the British rain because he walked two miles to Zayn's apartment to have company.

 

“We are going to get drunk.” He orders while he steps in without bothering to say hello.

Zayn chuckles as he closes the door behind Louis and follows him.

 

“Sure you wanted to visit me then? Seems like Liam would be a better companion for this kind of fun.”

 

“But you are my partner in crime, Zaynie.” Louis smiles and ruffles Zayn's hair which everyone knows he hates. “Lou.” Zayn whines but he goes to the fridge and gets a beer for himself and Louis. Then he lets himself down on the couch beside his friend.

Louis wishes he could avoid the questions but he knows that Zayn always feels when something is wrong. And maybe that was the real reason Louis turned up on his doorstep. Because he wants to talk about the mess which is called his life.

And as if Zayn could read his mind he takes a sip of his beer and turns to his older friend.

 

“So will you tell me what is wrong or do I have to wait till you got drunk?”

 

His face is sincere and Louis knows that he is worried about him, but what should he do? As much as he wants and tries to pretend that everything is fine, it is not. It is nowhere near fine to be honest. And it's even worse when Harry is too far away and Louis has nothing to distract him from the thoughts in his mind.

 

“Harry and I had a fight before he left for L.A.” He says quietly between two sips of the beer. Zayn sighs and moves closer. “What kind of fight?”

“I don't even know. I wanted him to stay. I can't stand it when he is gone so much. He couldn't be at my game and I really wanted him to come. I mean, I need him here. And he was like 'It's business Lou, I have no choice' and I said he had and then we were back at the thing with Eleanor and Harry said I had had a choice too and I tried to make him clear, that I was protecting him. But he said he was done with this shit and that he wasn't that 16-year old boy any more and that he could take care of himself. And then he said maybe he likes to be in L.A., because no one treats him like a child their and that he wants to go.” “Ouch.” Zayn finished his beer and places the empty bottle on the table so he has both arms to embrace Louis into a hug.

 

“You two are just exhausted. That is why you fought. And you know that Harry doesn't like to be away from you. He just wants to help too. He wants to protect you as much as you want to protect him. “

Louis nods and buries his face in Zayn's sweater. He smells paint and smoke but Louis likes it, because it is familiar. And that's what he needs right now.

 

“I know Z. We didn't mean what we said and we made up before he left. I couldn't let him go like that, with this fight getting between us. Though sometimes I feel like I'm lying to him when I say that everything is going to be fine and the world will accept us eventually. And I'm lying to myself when I act like everything's okay. We both know that. And I feel like I can't go on like this any

more.”

 

Zayn nods softly and begins to stroke the older boy's hair. After a while of being still he look down at Louis who is cuddled up on his lap.

  
“I know how you feel Lou. I know it sucks an awful lot. We'll figure it out. I promise. But not tonight. Tonight we'll get shitfaced!”

 

He stands up and Louis smiles, weakly but genuine. “Sounds like a plan. Do you have any wine?” “Sure.”

 

 

Two hours later Zayn and Louis are both pretty drunk. They are just sitting on the floor of Zayn's apartment, the third bottle of red wine between them, talking about all kind of stuff.

 

“What do you think about Truth or Dare?”

 

“Oh Please, Lou come on. Not again. This is so middle school.”

 

“Well, I liked middle school.”

 

“Good for you then. But we won't play it, not gonna happen.”

 

“Zaynie, come on!” Louis smiles widely and leans closer towards Zayn, so that their noses are touching. “Please...”

 

“Fine!” Zayn brings the half empty bottle to his lips. “But only one Truth and one Dare for each of us.”

 

“Fair enough.” Louis leans back and takes the bottle from Zayn. “You start. Truth or Dare.”

 

“Truth.” Zayn says without hesitation.

 

“Alright, let's see.” The older boy takes another sip before asking.

 

“What do you feel for Liam?” Zayn groans and buries his head in his hands.

 

“Isn't that obvious?”

 

“It is but I want you to say it.”

 

“Damn it!” Zayn looks up. “Fine. I love him, okay? Is that what you want to hear. I'm in love with him and it sucks but it is also like the best thins in the world, I guess.”

 

“I knew it!” Louis stands up and jumps around. “Zayn loves Liam, Zayn loves Liam!”

 

“Shut up!” The younger boy grabs the nearest pillow to throw it at Louis. “Your turn. Truth or Dare?”

“Truth.” Louis sits down again and smiles at the dark-haired boy. Zayn smirks and drinks some wine before he looks at Louis.

 

“So since we are not going to be nice tonight, who tops?”

 

“Eww, Z. Why would you even want to know that?” He acts like it is the grossest thing ever but he is smiling and Zayn notices that his lips are coloured in a dark red from all the wine. “So?”

 

“Damn, Zayn, we share all right? But mostly I top.” Now Zayn starts laughing because Louis is blushing and you barley get to see that and but he also sounds so proud and maybe he is a little to drunk for his liking, but everything seems so funny right now.”

 

“So Dare is left then Zaynie!” Louis brings the bottle of wine to his lips, leaning his head back to empty it. “I, Louis Tomlinson, dare you, Zayn Malik to tell out Liam that you love him.”

 

Zayn stops laughing immediately. “What...I...I can't do that.”

 

“You can and you should. I'm just doing you a favour here.”

 

Zayn get's up and leaves the room not saying anything. But before Louis is starting to worry he walks back in with a new bottle of wine. He places it between them and looks straight into Louis' piercing blue eyes.

 

“All right, I'm going to do it.” Louis starts to cheer but the other boy cuts him of. “On one condition. You'll tell Harry everything you told me earlier. About how you feel and stuff.”

 

Louis opens his mouth as if we wants to say something but he closes it again and reaches for the new bottle.

 

“Okay, if that's your Dare, I'll do it!”

 

 

_

 

 

In L.A. Harry is in his Hotel room and checks his phone one last time before he has to go out. He likes L.A. yes, but right now he would give a lot to be back home in England. With Louis.

 

"Harry, hurry up". He hears the voice outside the room just as he opens a new message from his boyfriend.

 

_**I can't do this any more.** _

 

Harry has no time to look at the message again let alone to answer because his door is opened.

 

“Harry we are leaving now.” Paul sounds a little bugged. “And you leave your phone here you won't need it."

 

"But...."

 

“No buts Harry, I'm sorry, you know what management is saying. You're always on your phone with the boys when you're in America this needs to stop. It should at least look like you're enjoying the time here. Sorry Harry.”

 

The young boy nods without saying anything and tosses the phone back on his bed before leaving the room.

 

In the limo he is still thinking about Louis' message. What did he mean, he can do it any more? Is he breaking up with him? Harry remembers the fight they had before he left. To be honest, he has always waited for this. He knew that Louis would have enough of him some day sooner or later. And now the time has come. Harry understands him. Louis deserves so much more than he can ever give him. So maybe he is better without him.

 

The curly boy takes out a bottle of vodka out of the mini fridge and starts drinking.

 

_

 

 

 

**Louis' POV**

 

The two boys are sitting opposite to each other both on their phones.

 

“Done, I send it!” Louis screams and shows his display. “Here you see. What did you right?”

 

“Nothing yet...I think I should tell Liam in person. It's a important step, don't you think? I'd like to see his face when I'm telling him the first time.”

 

“But no chicken out, Z.”

 

“Never!” He reaches for the older boys phone. “What did you even write?” He looks at the display to read the six words.

 

“Lou, are you kidding me. 'I can't do this any more'? How is Harry supposed to understand this the right way?”

 

Louis frowns, lips still red from the wine and a little bit swollen because he has the bad habitat to bite them whenever he is drunk and/or nervous. “What do you mean?”

 

“You know Harry, he is going to think you broke up with him!”

 

“Shit!” Louis mumbles as he realizes the double meaning of his message. “Shit, shit, shit, shit!”

 

“You have to call him! Now!”

 

“Yes, god, yes.” Louis grabs the phone and stands up, hands shaking.

  
“Please Harry, answer!”

 

 

_

 

 

But Harry can't answer because he is already on his way to some famous club in L.A. which name he doesn't remember cause there have been to many clubs in the last weeks, to many times out alone, getting drunk to forget.

And now he has something more to get forget and as he gets out of the Limo the bottle of vodka is already empty.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it :)


	8. We all fall down.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I can never get anything right.

**Louis' POV**

 

“Zayn.” Louis whines the phone still on his ear. “He's not answering.”

  
“Try again.”

 

Louis goes up and down in Zayn's living room nervously biting his tongue. Why isn't Harry answering his phone?

 

“Z. He hates me...O god, how am I going to fix it...”

 

The younger boy takes the phone out of Louis' hand.

 

“Lou calm down, maybe Harry didn't even read it yet. And he surely doesn't hate you. Come one, we are going to sleep, we will call him tomorrow.”

 

“No, no, no, no, no....I have to call him now, what if he thinks I'm breaking up. You said it yourself.”

 

“Louis, I didn't mean it like that, Harry knows that you'd never ever break up with him.”

 

“What if he is...” Louis has tears in his eyes and maybe it is the alcohol, but he is definitely overreacting. Isn't he?

 

_

 

**Harry's POV**

 

Harry doesn't know how he get there, but he finds himself in some kind of VIP area of the club with a boy named Cole, who buys him one drink after another. It's not like Harry cares at all. He is just glad, that he is away from the crowds of people, the paps and the fans.

Maybe Cole sits a little too close and maybe his hand touches Harry's knee a little too often. But the boy barely even notices it. He just wants to forget that Louis apparently 'can't do this any more'.

So he tries to listen to Cole who is telling him something about colleges. He studies Art and Politics, Harry thinks. A quite strange combination but the boy with the blond hair seems interesting and he is really polite.

 

The curly one feels the alcohol in every inch of his body, so he leans back on the couch they're sitting on, eyes closed, letting Cole talk.

His thoughts drift to London and how they lay in the king-sized bed every Day they could sleep in. He loves moments like that, slowly waking up beside Louis, knowing they'll have the whole day for themselves. He had hoped days like this would come more often now. Seems like instead they are gone forever.

 

“Should I get you some water Harry?” Cole's voice brings him back to reality. “You look like you could need some.

 

Harry nods slowly, yeah maybe water is a good idea. He watches Cole leaving the room and tries not to think of Louis again. How he always cares for him when they are on tour an he is feeling sick.

 

Cole walks back in with a bottle of water in his right hand and cookies in his left.   
  


“Look what I've found. They sell cookies ere. Chocolate chip cookies even. They are the best. Even better when you're drunk. I like this place.”

 

The blond boy sits down beside Harry and hands him the bottle with water. “Here drink, you'll feel better.”

 

Harry feels Cole watching him closely while he swallows ant it makes him a little nervous. But he also likes it, kind of. He uses to feel really lost being in L.A., because he has no one to talk to and no one who takes care of him. It just feels like he doesn't matter here, at all. So he doesn't move away as Cole's fingers begin to trace the tattoos on his arm as the blond one shortens the distance so that Harry can feel the warmth of his body against his bare skin.

 

Cole's fingers are soft as they touch the boy's skin. His mouth is on Harry's neck now and he leaves small kisses as he trails the way to Harry's lips.

 

“This is okay, isn't it? You don't have a boyfriend back home or anything?”

 

_

 

 

**Zayn's POV**

 

“Liam, you have to come over to my apartment, Louis is going mental!”

 

Zayn keeps his voice down as he watches Louis a few meters away from him, still on his phone to reach Harry. He is glad that Liam doesn't ask any questions and just says that he will be there in ten minutes.

 

Zayn didn't know what else to do then call him and Niall because they is no way he'll calm Louis down on his own. The older boy is shouting at his phone, dialling Harry's number over and over again, to no avail.

 

He feels like all the stress has gotten him sober again and he feels like opening a new bottle of wine but he doesn't. Alcohol has caused enough trouble for tonight.

 

Niall and Liam arrive together and Zayn can't remember the last time he was so glad to see them. It probably wasn't long ago though, since it is Liam and Niall and he always loves to see his boys. But again this is a different situation and he can't cope with Louis any longer.

 

“What happened?” Niall asks as Zayn lets them in and the older boy explains that they might have drunken to much and had the stupid idea to play Truth or Dare and Louis send Harry that he can't do this any more meaning the hiding and being separated. But now Harry isn't answering his phone so maybe he got it wrong.

 

Niall gives Zayn an helpless look and he is so right, it is a stupid story, even more now Zayn said it out loud. He left out the part of confessing his feelings to Liam, of course.

 

“Where is he?” Liam asks and Zayn points in the direction of the living room. For a second the two boys look eyes and Zayn is so glad to have Liam, they would be nothing without him.

 

He watches the younger boy walk away as Niall takes his hand and drags him along to the kitchen.   
“So when Li does the talking, we'll get you two something to get sober!” The Irish boy smiles brightly at his friend.

 

Hey, I'm not drunk any more, Zayn wants to protest, but then he notices the ground beneath his feet spinning and follows Niall without a word.

 

**Liam's POV**

 

Liam walks in to Louis screaming at his phone.

 

“Harry! Damn, pick up your fucking phone. Are you kidding me??!!!”

 

The older boy doesn't seem to notices that his friend has joined him in the living room, so Liam walks towards him and lays both arms around the tiny boy causing him to jump.

 

“Fuck, Li, what are you doing here? I'm trying to reach Harry.”

 

Liam nods slowly not letting Louis go. “As I've heard that is what you've done for the past three hours. Don't you think it is time to take a break.”

 

Louis shakes his head trying to get out of Liam's hug, but the younger boy is stronger. He takes the phone out of Louis hand and holds him tighter.

 

He feels Louis stopping to fight the touch and relaxing against his shoulder.

  
“It is okay Lou, everything will be okay. We'll try and reach Harry in the morning.”

 

“But...I...I...need to...r...reach him n..n.ow....”

 

“I know...I know.” Liam lets him cry against his sweater because he doesn't know what else he can do to help. He feels weak, because he wants to do something for his friends, he really wants to make it better, he is Daddy Direction after all. But there is nothing he can do because they signed a contract. So he has two watch the world of his brothers break down, unable to catch them.

He wants to cry too.

 

Niall and Zayn come into the room and they join him and Louis for group hug. It just doesn't feel the same without Harry and now Liam feels the tears coming to his eyes as much as he tries to stay strong.

 

Niall picks Louis up after a while and lays him down at the couch, where the other three boys sit beside him.

 

“Why am I always screwing up?” Louis whispers, eyes closed, trails of tears on his cheeks and it's the most heartbreaking thing Liam has ever seen. “I can never get anything right.”

 

“That...that's not true.” He tries to tell to tell the older boy, voice broken and he looks around to seek help from his friends. “You're the best boyfriend Harry can ever wish for. The circumstances are just crap, but we will change it. Everything is going to be okay.”

 

“I stopped believing that a long time ago.” And with that Louis turns around and the boys can hear his breath getting steady as he drifts to sleep.

 

“I'm sorry!” Zayn mumbles as he looks down at the sleeping boy. “It is all my fault.”

 

“Don't even think that!” Liam is right next to him, so it is completely understandable that he embraces him in a hug and leaves kisses in his hair and on his neck, isn't it?

He feels the older boy's warm breath against his cold skin and shivers a little but refuses to let go.

 

“It's all going to be okay. It will be okay.” He hears Niall saying but more to himself than anyone else.

 

 

_

 

 

**Harry's POV**

 

 

As he hears the word boyfriend Harry is back in reality and he pushes Cole away a little to hard.

 

“I...I'm sorry...I...” He looks at the blond boy to see if he is angry but he just looks at him confused.

  
“I'm engaged. I think...It's complicated.” Harry manages to say before he starts to cry. And Cole is back at his side in a second but he doesn't do anything he just holds Harry and whispers apologies.

 

“I'm sorry...If I had know I would have never did something. I'm sorry.”

 

“I'm sorry.” Harry says amid his tears. “I should have told you...it's just...I wanted to forget...”

 

“It's okay...It's okay...”

 

And then Harry tells him everything. Not the whole story, but everything he is able to tell a complete stranger without a getting in trouble. And he feels better immediately, just a little, but better.

 

“I just want to go home.” And as he says it out loud he realizes how true this is. How could he ever say to Louis that he likes to be in L.A. on his own? Sure, he likes to meet new people and to go out, but he is a family guy and he needs his boys and his mum. He has been separated for to long. He needs to go home.

  
  
“Can I...can I use your phone?” And Cole nods with a little smile on his face. He really is a nice guy Harry thinks. He has to thank him later.

 

“I'm going to get us more cookies. Be back in a minute.” Cole says and hands Harry his phone.

 

The British boy waits until he is alone before he dials Louis' number.

 

 

He needs to go home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, Love you all :)


	9. Please, please, please let me get what I want.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fight for you is all I've ever known.

_**Harry's POV** _

 

He is going home.

 

Harry is in the air plane on his way to England and he doesn't know how to feel.

Excited? Nervous? Scarred? Relieved? Happy?

He holds the letter in his hands, the letter he wrote for Louis yesterday night at 4 am, the letter he wants to give him because he is convinced he won't be able to speak as soon as he sees him.

 

 

_Dear Louis,_

 

_I just wanted to say that I'm sorry._

_And that I love you._

_I can't even tell you how much._

 

_I just want all of this to be over, because I feel like I'm breaking into pieces and can never be fixed again._

 

_All I want is your hand in mine and your arms around my waist while I kiss you, feeling your smile against my lips._

 

_I hope you can forgive me._

_Forgive me for being weak and giving up on you even if it was just for a second._

_Forgive me for almost kissing someone else._

_I was desperate and heartbroken, because I thought you wouldn't want me any more, you wouldn't want us._

_I know this I no excuse but I hope you'll understand._

 

_However, I couldn’t kiss him. And you know why?_

_Because of you._

_There is no place for someone else in my heart Lou. And I could never hurt you._

 

_I want this, you know? I'm still in._

_But I’m more afraid then ever. It was always us against the world and it did hurt and it was hard._

_But at least I had you, no matter what._

 

_We have to stop fighting Louis. It just makes everything worse._

_Also we have to stop trying to protect each other constantly._

_Tell me when you are afraid. I can handle it Lou._

_We are in this together. And I'm only strong with you by my side._

_There is no way I can get through this without you._

 

_So again, I'm sorry Louis._

_I'm sorry for acting stupid and I'm even more sorry for saying that I want to be away from you._

_I hope you know that this is not true at all._

_Being separated is always a torture no matter if I'm in England or America._

 

_I need you Louis Tomlinson._

_Because you are my soulmate even if you don't really believe in “this kind of crap.”_

_I need you._

_Because I've never loved anyone in my life the way I love you._

_I need you Louis._

_Because only you can make me feel complete._

_And only you can bring out the best in me._

 

_Sometimes I dream of running away with you. Live a life somewhere else, where no one knows our names. Build a house, plant a tree, adopt two sweet kids and live happily ever after without looking back once._

 

_But since this is not going to happen, because, you know, we'd miss the boys to much, not to speak of our mums and sisters, we have to fight even more so we can have it here._

 

_Because I still wan a house and a tree and two kids. And a kitten, of course._

 

_And you are right Louis, we can't go on like this. It has been to long, the hiding, the lying._

_I don't want this any more._

_And I don't want to wait another goddamn year until your contract with El ends. We'll find another way. Together. Okay?_

 

_So forgive me Louis William Tomlison-Styles._

 

_And believe me when I say it will work out._

_Believe me when I say it is okay to be afraid, as long as you tell me._

_We can face everything together. You'll see._

 

_Hold on Louis._

_Soon we'll be holding hands in front of an altar._

_Hold on to this Lou._

_Hold on to me._

 

_In unconditional love,_

_always and forever,_

_Yours Harry._

 

 

Harry already told Louis everything about the night in L.A. when the things nearly collapsed.

First he had only reach Liam because according to him, Louis had just felt asleep a few minute ago and he wouldn't want to wake him.

So he told Li the whole story, tears streaming down his face. He continued talking as Cole came back, with another bag of chocolate chips cookies and sat down beside him to stroke his hair in comfort.

 

At the next morning Louis called back and Harry wasn't sure if he had been sleeping a minute but it didn't matter. He told his boyfriend every little details while Louis explained what he really meant with his text message and why he was sending it.

Louis wasn't angry at him, he just repeated that he need his boyfriend home over and over again.

 

But still, Harry is afraid that this night changed something between them.

And as much as he wants to come home, he really wants to, he has never been so nervous before.

 

 

 

 

_**Louis POV** _

 

Louis is lying in the bed in Zayn's guest room. They decided to stay together for a little while, since no one of them really wanted to be alone.

He can't sleep. Harry is coming home tomorrow. He is coming home.

 

Louis can't sleep cause Harry is coming home.

 

It is almost 3 am. Only 7 more hours till Harry is hear. Louis feels sick.

He wants to see him, he really wants to.

 

But he doesn't know what to say. If he could, he would take him to the registrar's office and marry him already. He is sick that he can't tell everyone that Harry is his.

He wants the world to know, so no one will lay their eyes on him ever again.

 

_Hello world, hope you're listening. Forgive me if I'm young, for speaking out of turn._

 

His Ipod is playing “Come Home” by One Republic and it has never fit a situation this good, Louis thinks as he hums the song under his breath.

 

_There's someone I've been missing. I think that they could be, the better half of me. They're in the wrong place to make it right._

 

Louis has to make a lot of things right. He has to fix his relationship and his band, but also himself.

This is going to be the hardest one.

But then again, he is by far not the only one who screwed up.

 

_But I'm tired of justifying, so I say you'll come home, come home._

_Cause I've been waiting for you for so long, so long._

 

He has waited three god damn years to tell the world how much he loves him. And he does. 

He has known from the moment he saw him that this boy is different and that he wants to know him.

He has known from the first late night conversation they had that this boy is special and he wants to be a part of his life.

He has known from their first kiss that this boy is unique and that he wants to spent the rest of his life with him.

Yet he isn't able to express his feelings to the world.

 

_ And right now there's war between the vanities, but all I see is you and me. _

_ And the fight for you is all I've ever known, so come home. _

 

Louis is ready to fight, whatever it takes. He doesn't even care any more, there is nothing to lose. 

All he want is to be with Harry and to make him happy.

 

This is their year, the year were they finally can be together. He promised. 

And maybe he didn't understand how hard it would be when he gave the promise to Harry.

But he will keep it anyway.

 

 

He must have been fallen asleep cause is wakes up to the excited voice of Niall.

 

“Lou, Lou, Lou, wake up. He's home!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this is a little short, but I'm planning on uploading again this weekend/monday.
> 
> Love you lots, have a good weekend where you are and I hope you enjoyed reading .)


	10. A kiss to build a dream on.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I could never be happy without you.

** Louis POV **

 

Harry is home.

Harry is home and he is standing in the entrance room of Zayn's apartment with two bags in his hand and Louis can't cope with it. He doesn't know what to do really. He is just staring at his boyfriend, who look as adorable as ever. But the older boy also notices the sadness in his emerald eyes and it hurts him. So he stands still only a few meters away from Harry unable to speak or move.

 

“Louis.”

 

So it is Harry who finally breaks the silence and he drops his back and moves towards Louis and embraces him into a hug. They don't kiss or make out. They just hold each other in their arms. But that does it for Louis to finally cry. So he buries his head in the younger boys shoulder and cries and breathes him in and holds on to him. He doesn't want this moment to stop.

 

“Lou, hey, shh. It's okay. I'm home. It is okay.”

 

But it is not and Louis knows it. 

 

“Harry, I...” 

 

He lets go of his boyfriend a little bit because he need to see his eyes. He missed those eyes. Harry's perfect green sparkling eyes.

 

“I'm sorry Lou, I'm so, so sorry.”

 

Louis sees the tears in the corner of Harry's eyes and no, they can't both start to cry. Harry is home. That is a good thing, isn't it.

 

“Boys, we don't want to interrupt but we missed Harry too!”

 

The couple turns around to see the other three boys watching them and Harry smiles as he lets go of Louis and hugs Liam, who waited impatiently to greet the youngest of the group.

 

Louis wipes away his tears with the sleeve of his shirt and as the others greet the long lost boy, Liam comes over to comfort him.

 

“I know this is hard Louis, but at least he is back.”

 

And Louis nods and moves closer into Liam's embrace. Harry is home.

 

 

A few hours later their in the living room watching TV. 

Louis' hand is intertwined with Harry's but he can't get his mind of so he leans over to whisper in his ear. 

 

“Can we just talk Harry? In private?”

 

Harry nods and stands up, not letting go of Louis' hand. The other boys look after them as they leave the room, but they don't say anything. All not that they have to sort things out.

 

** Harry's POV **

 

Harry is nervous as he leads Louis to the guest room. He knew there would be talking eventually, he just had enjoyed not to speak and just be near his boyfriend for a while.

 

They enter the room and he watches the older boy closing the door behind them.

 

“Lou, I'm sorry...I....” He starts but Louis cuts him off as he brings their lips together. 

 

“I missed you” He whispers against Harry's mouth and that is definitely not what the boy expected. 

 

“Lou...don't you think we should talk.”

 

“Later. First I'm gonna make you forget about all the other boys out there.”

 

Harry gasps as Louis takes of his shirt and pushes him towards the bed.

 

“You're mine right?”

 

“I'm yours!” Harry confirms still confused about his boyfriend's behaviour. 

 

“But...don't you think we need to talk?” he whispers into the kiss because he wants this, he wants to feel Louis and nothing else but they should really sort things out before.

 

“I don't want to talk Harry it doesn't solve any problems.”

 

“But neither does ignoring them, Lou!”

 

The older boy sighs and sits up on the bed. He crosses his arms in front of his chest and waits until Harry sits up too.

 

“I'm just tired of talking, you know? I just want to be happy even if it's only for a moment. I want to forget everything that went wrong and just touch you and love you and...fuck is that to much to ask for Harry?”

 

Harry whines a little and moves closer to take Louis's small hands in his own. He thinks about the letter he wrote to explain Louis how he is feeling but it seems this has to be said in person.

 

“Lou, Lou, Lou, I...I get it. I want to be happy too, okay? But not just for a moment. And not because I keep ignoring the bad things. Because, you know? It will only be worse afterwards.”

 

He looks at their intertwined hands and continues.

 

“No Lou, I want to be happy forever, I want you and me to be able to do everything together. And that's why we finally need to face things that make us unhappy. We need to start fighting. This won't be getting better if we keep waiting for a miracle.”

 

Harry looks up at Louis as soon as he finishes and he is shocked to notice tears in his piercing blue eyes.

 

“Lou, I...don't please...this is good, I mean, we are going to fight for it together and...”

 

“I just...” Louis swallows and frees his hands form Harry's to wipe the tears away.

 

“I'm not sure if I'm strong enough to fight, you know?” He says, voice broken.

 

“Of course Lou, you are the strongest person I know, you....”

 

“No!” Harry frowns as his boyfriend speaks up. “Lou, I...”

 

“No.” Louis repeats as he stands up and starts walking up and down the room.

 

“No Harry, listen. It might have looked like that for the past few years, that I'm strong and all. 

But I'm not. I'm always terrified and I can't handle this. I try to...”

 

“Lou, honey.” The younger boy tries to interrupt him, but Louis doesn't let him.

 

“No Harry, let me say this. It is important, please!”

 

“Okay.” Harry nods and watches him from the bed. “Okay, I'll listen promise.”

 

Louis sighs and runs his fingers through his hair as if he didn't know how to start.

 

“I'm afraid of making mistakes. I feel like I screw up whenever I do something. And I feel like there's no way to fix things, you know? I just can't get anything right. If we'd just come out it would probably end our careers but not only ours, also the boy's. And I don't want to hurt them. Especially not Niall, I think Zayn and Li could cope with it, but Niall still loves all of this like we all did in the beginning. I can't take this from him. And I know you'd be hurt too, you love making music Harry, it is your thing!”

 

He hesitates for a second to look at Harry, and the young boy feels so much love when he sees the deep blue eyes and he wants to kiss Louis, but he knows he has to listen.

 

“But if we wait longer I'm afraid something might break and be gone forever. I see you being sad, being forced to stay away from me and all of us and I just don't want to keep breathing, cause every breath I take hurts so damn much Harry. And I don't know what to do about it. I just want to give up and crawl in my bed and never think about anything again. I can't get this right, not this time, I'm sorry. I tried, I really did, you have to believe me. I know you expected more, you all thought that I'd be stronger, I'm sorry Harry, I wish I could be, I'm sorry, I...”

 

The tears are streaming down Louis' face and Harry can't sit on the bed and watch him any longer. He stands up and wraps his strong arms around the tiny boy.

First Louis fights the touch, tires to hide his face and turns away. But Harry just holds him closer and whispers “I love yous” in his hair.

 

The younger boy is shocked by the words he heard from the love of his life. He never knew that Louis felt like this and he wishes his boyfriend had said something earlier.

 

“It'S okay Louis. It's okay. You don't have to get everthing right, That's what I meant when I said we are in this together. You always think it is you're job to fix things, to save me, but it's not.

No one ever expected you to do this on your own. 

I'm in too, and the boys will have our backs and our families will help. I'm sure Simon and Paul and Lou are on our side as well. You...you don't have to do this alone, we are all here for you. And it is not your job to make everyone happy Lou, not if you are miserable.”

 

Now Harry is crying too because it breaks his heart to see Louis like this. So the two boys just stand there crying and they hold on to each other for a little while.

  
“I love you.” Harry whispers into the smaller boys ear after he stopped sobbing. “I love you too the moon and back, more than I love anyone in my life before. And nothing can ever change that.”

 

“Thanks.” Louis sniffs and tilts his head so he can look at the younger boy.

 

“I just feel like I can't give you the things you deserve Harry. Like you could be much happier without me. And all I want is for you to be happy.”

 

Harry gasps and he shakes his head as he cups Louis' face with his big hands, forcing him to look straight into his eyes.

 

“Don't ever say that again.” It is not more than a whispers when he says it. “I could never be happy without you. Don't you dare to leave me.”

 

Louis nods.

 

“Say it!”.

 

“I won't leave you Harry. I'm not going anywhere I promise. I love you like crazy and I need you forever and I'd never leave you.”

 

“Okay.” Harry smirks a little. “And now kiss me.”

 

And Louis does.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I heard Christina Perri- Human while writing this and it broke my heart :'( 
> 
> Hope you all had a good start into the new week, can't believe it is already March.
> 
> Much love <3


	11. How resurrection really feels.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two weeks ago, you told me that we should work things out together, that we are in this together. So tell me how come I never felt more alone before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took me forever to upload. Forgive me!

**Louis' POV**

 

So they are back to work and Louis couldn't be happier, because he waited so long for this. The break was needed, but to be back in the studio with his boys is all he wants. So he should really be happy but he isn't.

 

And there is a reason for him feeling like this, a reason that keeps him up all night thinking, instead of cuddling with Harry. Harry...

 

Louis is lying on the in the dressing room of the studio. They have a short break from their rehearsal today and he used it to get away. It is hard being in a room with Harry and not being able to kiss him. It has always been. Because even if everyone knows about them being together, management doesn't like to see them acting like a couple, so they always try to keep things at a minimum.

 

But since the break ended keeping things to a minimum means no interaction at all. And Louis just doesn't get why Harry is always laughing with Niall or cuddling with Zayn, leaving sloppy kisses on his cheek when he hit a high note. Louis isn't used to Harry ignoring him. That has never been an issue in their relationship, not for the past three years at least.

 

And Louis can't handle it. He has learned to cope with Harry being jealous and angry, being insecure and sad. He can perfectly handle Harry showing up at his doorstep in the middle of the night, crying his heart out. Be he just doesn't know how to handle this.

 

A knock on the door distracts Louis from his thoughts and he lifts his head to see who is coming in. A part a him wishes it is Harry but another part just wants to be alone.

  
“There you are Louis.” It's Liam.

 

“Yeah, sorry I...” But before he can think of a good excuse, Liam lets himself down at the couch and finishes his sentence.

 

“Escaped. I know. Doing the same.”

 

“What?” Louis looks at Liam and he is a little confused. But the younger boy just laughs it off and lies down beside him.

  
“Do you think you are the only one who is bother by Harry and Zayn playing happy couple?”

 

“So it is not just in my imagination?”

 

Liam shakes his head, and closes his eyes as he cuddles closer. Louis can feel his warm breath against his bare skin and he feels a little guilty, because the whole last week he was just thinking about himself, not realizing that Liam might have gone through the same.

 

“Damn, Lou, can't we just have like a month of peace and nothing else. Just a few days where nothing is complicated or confusing. Is this really too much to ask for?”

 

Louis wrappes his arms around Liam to hold him, to comfort him, but maybe also because he needs a little comfort for himself.

 

“So you don't know what this is about either?” He asks and the other boy shakes his head again.

 

“I have no idea, I mean everything was good like a week ago. Or maybe not good, because when is it ever good, but okay. It was okay. And now the two of them are acting like we don't exist. I don't understand.”

 

“I know, whenever I want to talk to him he blocks me, and I don't know what to do.”

 

There is silence for a short time before Liam frees himself form Louis' arms and sits up.

 

“Talk to him. Just force him to tell you why. I'll do the same. Tonight. Okay?”

 

“Sounds like a plan.” The older boy smiles a little. “But don't chicken out.”

 

“I won't.”

 

 

_

 

**Harry's POV**

 

“Louis, are you coming?”

Harry waits for his boyfriend to get in bed because they have to get up early the next morning. The whole evening Louis has been very silent and Harry wonders why.

 

But it has been a long day and all he really want is to fall asleep in is boyfriend's arm.

The older boy walk into the bedroom only in his boxers and closes the door behind him. He turns off the lights before he crawls into the bed next to Harry and looks at him with his piercing blue eyes.

 

“What's the matter Lou?” Harry asks and tries to cuddle closer to his boy, but Louis doesn't let him.

 

“What the matter his Harry? It is funny that you asked because I wanted to ask you the same thing.”

 

Harry frowns. “Why?”

 

“Why?” Louis laughs a bitterly and turns away from Harry. He faces the ceiling now, arms crossed over his chest and it makes Harry quite nervous.

 

“Louis, what...?”

 

“Harry, don't tell me you don't know what this is about. You keep ignoring me at work for over a week now."

 

“But Louis...” Harry tries to explain himself, because he feels like Louis is getting the whole situation completely wrong, but the older boy doesn't listen.

 

“No Harry, I have enough. Two weeks ago, you told me that we should work things out together, that we are in this together. So tell me how come I never felt more alone before. You don't even look at me when we are in the studio, and when we are at home you either tired or you go out partying and leave me here. Alone again. Did you even mean what you said?”

 

“I'm sorry Lou.” And it is true, he is sorry, but not for what his boyfriend is accusing him for. He is sorry because he didn't explain his behaviour earlier. “It is definitely not what it seems like.”

 

“Not what it seems like?” Harry tries to hold Louis' hands because he is always bites his nails when he is upset. But Louis doesn't let him. Instead he stands up form the bed and starts to walk around in the room.

 

“Are you trying to make me jealous with Zayn? After all what happened in L.A.?”

 

“No Louis of course not, you are...”

 

“What am I Harry? Overreacting? Because I tried to tell myself the same thing for the last couple of days, but we both know I'm not!”

 

Harry doesn't know what to say because he gets why Louis is upset, he does. But this is completely different than what he thinks it is.

 

So the younger boy stands up too and tries to pull his boyfriend in a hug, but Louis refuses.

 

“Please, Boo, let me explain it to you okay?”

 

“No Harry, I don't want your excuses. I have enough. I don't need your words. You say that you love me, but as soon as you are away you don't spend a second thinking about me. You say we'll fight together but all you do is shutting me out. It doesn't feel like we are in this together, right now.”

 

He lowers his voice and looks at Harry for the first time since their talk, before he turns away.

 

“It does not feel like you are into this at all.”

 

Now Harry is the one getting angry, so he grabs Louis' arms and turns the tiny boy around that they face each other.

 

“How dare are you Louis Tomlinson? Are you serious? I do not think of you? I am not into this? Let me tell you one thing. I always think of you and it hurts that I can't be with you, that I have to spend half of the break in L.A., away from the boys and my family, while you are home. And I can't even enjoy my time in this amazing city because all I do is thinking about you.”

 

He pauses for a moment to take a deep breath and to look into Louis eyes, which have the colour of the sea after a storm right now, the colour they always have when the older boy is hurt.

Harry loves this shade of blue even though he prefers the bright one, which remembers him of a cold morning in spring.

His voice is softer as he continues speaking and he traces his hands down Louis' arms to intertwine their fingers.

 

“And do you really think I am not into this? That I don't love you? You know that this is stupid Louis, you know how much I want this, want you.”

 

He lets go of Louis' hands to kneel down beside the bed and pulls out the box where he put the letters.

 

“There are 76 letters in here. And all of them are for you. I wrote them this year Louis, most of them when I was away, but also when I was here with you or at home. The only thing that made me hold on was you saying this would be our year. But I never gave them to you, because I wanted to be strong. I wrote some of them when I was near a break down and I was afraid you'd think I'm not ready, but I am. This is how I spent my time away Lou. This is how much I think of you. I'm into this, I promise!”

 

He hands Louis the small box and turns around to leave as the older boy grabs his wrist.

 

“Harry...wait!”  
  


“What?”

 

“I'm...I'm sorry, I didn't know. But I still don't understand. What is the think with Zayn and the rehearsals?”

 

“Just read the letters Louis! Please, you'll see. I'm at Niall's if you want to see me. If you are still into this. I am.”

 

He leans forward and places his hand on Louis' neck to pull him closer. As they are close enough that he can feel the other boy's heartbeat he stops and just hold on for a second before he leaves a kiss on his forehead. Then he skews and walks out of the bed room but not before letting a soft “I love you” escape from his lips. He hopes Louis hears it.

 

The curly haired boy grabs his keys and puts on the first jacket he finds. It is Louis' but he doesn't care about it or maybe he does.

He can feel hot tears streaming down his face as he steps out into the cold night. A part of him hopes Louis will come after him be he knows they both need a little time to think. But he can still feel Louis' soft skin against his lips and he knows it is going to be okay. He hopes.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it, sorry again for the late update, I'm freaking busy with work these days, but I'll try to finish this as soon as possible. I have finally a idea where this is going, yay :)  
> Thank you for reading!


	12. Unopened letter to the world.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That I'll be yours forever whilst you will be mine.

**Louis' POV**

 

Louis just stands there after Harry has left, unable to speak or move. He isn't even sure if he can breath. But apparently he is because he is still standing after a few minutes and he hears the door snapping shut. He wants to run after Harry but he doesn't know what say or if Harry even wants him to.

 

So he just stays their for another minute until he sits down on the bed the box the younger boy gave him still in his hands. He opens it carefully not sure if he wants to read it, if he is ready for all of that. But then he grabs the first letter, written on light blue paper and dated a few days ago.

 

 

_Dear Louis,_

 

_first of all, I love you._

 

_But you know that – you have always known. Since the first time we met in the bathroom at X-Factor you knew._

 

_To borrow some words from Shakespeare:_

 

_**When I saw you I fell in love and you smiled because you knew.** _

 

 

 

_Zayn and I had a talk last night and we have figured out the perfect plan. Hopefully._

_But if all works out how we imagine it, we can be out by the time our tour starts._

 

_I'm so excited Lou, but I am not allowed to tell you. Zayn wants to make it a surprise for you and Liam. I mean it is cool, but I'd rather tell you. This is so amazing._

 

_And we still don't if it will go smoothly so maybe it is better if I keep my mouth shut. The only thing is, I don't want to. Ask me how much it sucks. You know I can't keep anything from you._

 

_But I have to so this will be the best surprise ever._

 

_I love you Boo Bear. I should call you this more often again. I like this nick name. It remembers me of the early times._

 

_You know what it means that we could be out when the tour starts? It's a month from now honey. One month!_

_That is nothing compared to the time we spent hiding._

 

_I want this so bad. It has to work._

 

_This would be our first tour as official boyfriends. No ore fake dates or photo session with our “girlfriends”. No more lying about we really feel._

 

_Just the two of us..._

 

_Oh my god, Louis, you know what this means?_

_So many things we can do. Six month and the whole world just for us._

 

_Oh Boo, I want to go on top of the Eiffel Tour with you when we are in Paris. I want to watch the night sky in Milan, like we did last time. I want to kiss you at the beach of Los Angeles and hold you tight when we are standing at the Empire State Building. I want to sleep in with you when we have a day of, spend the whole time in bed and cuddle. I have so many plans for this time. I want this to work. I want you, I want us._

 

_You know Louis, you always told me we would make it, and now it is finally happening._

 

_**True love will triumph in the end...which may or may not be a lie, but if it's a lie it is the most beautiful we have.** _

 

_Our love is true Louis, as true as love can be, and oh it will triumph. I feel it in my heart. I feel it with ever beat. Even more when I look at you, kiss you, hold you._

 

_True love will triumph in the end...and for us it is not a lie._

 

_Forever and always, your Harry Tomlinson Styles._

 

 

Louis doesn't notice he is crying until the tears fall on the letter and he wipes them away so he won't ruin the letter. He is so dumb, he could hit himself. Harry would never hurt him...how could he be so blind. He takes out another letter and reads it.

 

 

_Whilst you will be mine_

 

 

_My eyes hurt when I wake up and I'm not sure if its_

_from crying half of the night or starring at you the other half_

 

_The sun is shining through your bedroom window_

_and rays paint bright skeins in your brown hair_

 

_They say it is not worth_

_But we gave it a try_

_Our love will triumph_

_And that is not a lie_

 

_Cause I knew that I love you_

_from the very first time_

_that I'll be yours forever_

_whilst you will be mine_

 

_You open your eyelids and blink into the sun_

_your eyes have the colour of the sky on a cold morning in spring_

 

_If I told you that I love you right here and right now_

_I wonder if you'd believe me cause I mean it with all my heart_

 

_They say it won't last_

_but we'll proof them wrong_

_cause you said you love me_

_and that I make you strong_

 

_Cause I knew that I love you_

_from the very first time_

_that I'll be yours forever_

_whilst you will be mine_

 

_I hope I can prove it_

_always by your side_

_just make you believe it_

_I'll stay and I'll fight_

 

_Cause I knew that I love you_

_from the very first time_

_that I'll be yours forever_

_whilst you will be mine_

 

 

 

Louis can't hold back his tears by now, but he needs to continue, he needs to read more letters.

 

 

_And you are right Louis, we can't go on like this. It has been to long, the hiding, the lying._

_I don't want this any more._

_And I don't want to wait another goddamn year until your contract with El ends. We'll find another way. Together. Okay?_

 

_So forgive me Louis William Tomlison-Styles._

 

_And believe me when I say it will work out._

_Believe me when I say it is okay to be afraid, as long as you tell me._

_We can face everything together. You'll see._

 

_Hold on Louis._

_Soon we'll be holding hands in front of an altar._

_Hold on to this Lou._

_Hold on to me._

 

_In unconditional love,_

_always and forever,_

_Yours Harry._

 

___

 

_I know you don't care about Valentine's Day and it is okay._

 

_But I do. As I was little I always imagined how I would spend this day with the person I love the most. And I had big dreams Lou. I'm talking about candle light dinners, picnic under the stars and millions of roses. I liked the idea of getting my Valentine a rose for every month we were together so I had to add more every year. And after a few years I would have to buy a whole store of roses but I wouldn't mind spending all my money on it._

 

_I thought about getting you 36 roses and right now I'm not sure why I didn't. You deserve them all Louis. You deserve even more._

 

_If I could I would take you to the fields today. I would prepare a picnic with fruits and chocolate and chicken wrapped in parma ham (you remember?)._

_I would light candles around us and give you 36 flowers for each month we've been together, and one for being my fiancée, one for writing “Strong”, one for being strong, one for making me strong, one for being the best boyfriend in the world and a last one for having such a gorgeous ass. Damn it Louis Tomlinson._

 

_I would make a LouisandHarry-Playlist on my Ipod and we could listen to it all night. And when we would cuddle under the blankets and look at the stars, I would tell you how much I love you._

 

___

 

_You are my fiancée now and that means in good times as in bad._

_I'm here Louis, right here, can't you see that?_

 

_I can't tell you how much I want to hold you in my arms right now. But I needed some time to think._

_And it won't be good tomorrow, I will still be hurt and I will still be confused._

_But I will be there for you._

_So please let me, okay? Let me in, because it freaking hurts when you're pushing me away._

_I'm holding on for life, Louis. I'm here._

_For better and for worse, because that's what this is all about._

 

_I need you Louis. I need you when I'm at my best, but I also need you when I'm falling, when I'm scared and broken. And most of all I need you to need me back._

_I'm here for you Louis, please let me in..._

 

___

 

_When you asked me if I want to marry you it was the greatest day of my life. I couldn't believe it. I've always dreamed of this moment. And it was even more perfect than I imagined._

 

_But there are moments when I still feel like I'm not good enough and that what I can give you is not good enough. You deserve everything Louis Tomlinson._

_And I know that you hate it when I say I'm not enough. So I will shut up about it._

 

_But I can give you so much more than I can give you now. I want it all for you and I want it all with you._

_So I not only will do everything that's in my power to make 2014 our year, but also every single year that follows._

 

_I can't wait to be your husband Louis. I love you so much and that you love me back means everything in this world._

 

_You give me the strength and the power to be the person I want to be._

_And this year I want to be more honest, more genuine, more open and a lot stronger._

 

_With you by my side I know that it will worked._

 

_You showed me not to give up Lou. You showed me that things are worth it. Some things at least._

_They are worth everything._

 

_We are worth it._

 

 

Louis hands shake as he reaches for his phone but he manages to stop his tears.

 

“Liam, can you come over? I need you.”

 

As the tears come back, he drops the phone and collapses onto the bed burying his head in Harry's pillow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Harry's letters are breaking my heart to be honest.
> 
> Hope you liked it, thank you for reading, thank you so much <3


	13. The heart brings you back.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I wanna hide the truth, I wanna shelter you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the many different POV's, I hope it's not confusing :)  
> Enjoy xxx

**Liam's POV**

 

Liam was never so fast to be at Louis' and Harry's flat as tonight.

Partly because he wanted to get away from Zayn after a pretty nasty fight, but most of all because Louis sounded really desperate on the phone.

 

As the older boy opens the door Liam sees that he was right, Louis is desperate. He embraces him into a hug and closes the door behind him. Without letting him go, Liam drags him into the living room.

 

“What happens Lou? Where's Harry?”

 

Liam waits patiently until Louis is ready to talk and he listens without interrupting him once. But after his friend finished telling him about what happened that night he lets him go and buries his head in his hands.

 

“You mean Harry and Zayn found a way to convince management...?”

 

“I guess.”

 

“And that's why they were all over each other lately?”

 

“Probably.”

 

“And they didn't tell us because they wanted to surprise us?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Damn it, Louis.” Liam let's himself fall back against the couch and it feels a lot like this morning when they were in the dressing room discussing how to talk to their boyfriends.

 

“Do you know what that means? Zayn and I just had the worst fight ever.”

 

Louis nods and reaches for Liam's hand to squeeze it.

 

“I know, Li, I know. Harry left to spend the night at Niall's. And I didn't go after him, I didn't ask him to stay. We screwed up, Li.”

 

“Definitely.”

 

“We need a plan.”

 

-

 

 

**Harry's POV**

 

Harry lies on Niall's couch and they watch Supernatural. The Irish boy has also order pizza, because food and the Winchesters are the best cure for anything, but Harry doesn't feel like eating at all. Niall makes him eat two slices of Salami Pizza anyway, and Harry lets him because he is too tired to say no.

 

They are halfway into the third episode when the doorbell rings and Harry's heart jumps a little.

He gets up before Niall even has the chance to.

 

“I'm gonna get it!”

 

Maybe this is Louis, maybe he already read the letters and they can talk about everything. And finally be happy again, like they used to be. He remembers the time when just being together was enough for them. Far back in the X-Factor times they didn't have to worry about anything. But that was long gone.

 

Harry's heart starts to beat faster as he opens the door. But it isn't Louis standing outside.

 

“Zayn?”

 

“I...I'm sorry...I just...Liam and I had a fight, we...he left...I needed to get away from our apartment, I...” Harry makes one step towards the older boy and wraps his arms around him. He is a little wet because it had started to drizzle outside so Harry drags him into the house.

 

 

“What are you even doing here?” Harry notices the strains on Zayn's cheeks and he wonders if they were just from the rain.

 

“I also had a fight with Louis. He was mad because I kept ignoring him and talking to you during rehearsals.”

  
Zayn nods and runs a hand trough his soaked hair.

  
“I'm sorry, this is all my fault. You wanted to tell Louis, but I said we will surprise them. And know they are both mad, with good reason.”

 

“About that...” Harry words trail of because he doesn't want Zayn to be angry at him. They made a promise not to tell anyone before they were sure.

  
“Harry?”

 

“I kinda told Louis?”

 

“You...what? And he is still angry? Why are you here then?”

 

“I wrote letters, where I explained everything to him, more like a diary really. And I gave them to Louis but I left before he could read them.” He looks at Zayn who seems...surprised yeah, maybe a little shocked. But not angry at all. “Wait...you're not mad at me? Because I told him?”

 

“No Harry of course not. This was going out of control, I'm glad you did actually.”

 

He smiles a little and moves closer to bury his head into Harry's chest. And the younger boy is more than relieved that Zayn is so understanding because he really couldn’t have stand any more drama today. Or ever.

 

“Harry, who was at the door?” Niall shouts from the living room.

 

“Me.” Zayn yells back and lets go of Harry.

 

“So what are we doing now? Just wait?”

 

“I guess we have no better option.”

 

 

_

 

 

**Louis' POV**

 

 

“Okay Liam, we need like the best plan ever to make up to everything.”

 

“I know Lou, but you are the master of surprises and big romantic stuff. Tell me what we should do?”

 

“We have to go big.” Louis and Liam lie at the bed both starring at the ceiling thinking what to do.

 

They figured out that they screwed up. But not as bad that they couldn't fix it. They just need something big, something that is better than everything anyone ever did...

 

“I know!” Louis jumps up in the bed and nearly knocks Liam over.

 

“Lou, what..?”

 

“I need my phone, Li. I have to call Paul...and Simon...Oh my gosh Liam, this is going to be perfect!”

 

He runs around the apartment, searching for his phone, because if he want this to work it can't wait.

But if it works it is the best thing ever.

 

 

-

 

 

**Niall's POV**

 

 

Niall waits till Harry and Zayn have fallen asleep on his big couch to sneak out of the living room.

He has gotten a message form Louis that they need his help so he dials his number right away.

 

“Lou what is going on?”

  
“Are Harry and Zayn with you?”

 

“Yes, they are asleep.”

 

“Perfect. Did they tell you about their plan?”

  
“Yeah and also that you guys fought. Is everything okay?”

 

“Yeah, yeah, it will be. Just listen.”

 

So Niall waits patiently when Louis tells him the plan, the master plan, how he calls it, the way all of them can be happy again. It sounds big, a little too big maybe, but then again it's Louis. Still, Niall can't help but think that this is dangerous and he wonders if it works.

Because I may be the solve of all their problems, but if it fails he is sure they will never be able to fix this.

 

“So are you going to help?”

 

Niall nods, still thinking about what could possibly go wrong, when he remembers that Louis can't see him.

  
“Yes, yes of course Lou. But are you sure?”

 

“Absolutely!”

 

_

 

 

**Harry's POV**

 

Harry wakes up to Zayn curled up on his side and his neck hurts a little from falling asleep on the couch.

 

He turns around to see if Niall is still here but it seems as the blond one has gone to sleep in his own bed. Harry can't blame him for that.

 

He sits up a little and tries not to wake Zayn as he reaches for his phone. It's 3.41 am and he still hasn't heard anything from Louis.

 

The young boy begins to worry because what if Louis is still mad because he didn't tell him in the first place? What if after reading the letters Louis thinks that Harry is not strong enough to go through with this? Or what if Louis doesn't want to go public at all?

 

Harry looks at the ring on his finger, the engagement ring Louis gave to him what feels like a decade ago. He wouldn't have proposed if he doesn't want it, would he? He should have finished the letters by now. What is wrong?

 

“Zayn?”

 

Harry feels really bad for waking his friend up but he needs someone who tells him that everything is going to be fine and that Louis will talk to him in the morning. He can't get a thought straight right now, and he hopes Zayn can, because Zayn's always the one who keeps calm and sees things causal. Maybe he can comfort him because Harry feels like he is freaking out any time soon.

 

 

_

 

  
**Zayn's POV**

 

 

“Harry what's up? What time is it?”

 

Zayn opens his eyes slowly and looks at the younger boy. He normally hates to be woken up nut this situation is different, he knows Harry needs him now and to be honest he need him just as much.

 

“Haz, did something happen?”

 

“No, no, it's just...It's nearly 4 am and there is still no word from Louis. Have you heard anything from Liam yet?”

 

Zayn pulls the phone out of his pocket and unlocks the screen. He has a message from his mum, but nothing from Liam.

 

“No Harry, nothing from Li either.”

 

He sits up and pulls Harry closer. He knows that Harry need a hug now and then and right now they both need it a little more.

 

“I'm afraid that Louis is till mad at me. Do you think I shouldn't have given him the letters?”

 

Harry sounds so noxious that Zayn wants to hold him tight until forever and save him from this world, which is way too cruel for an innocent boy like him.

  
“No, it was the right choice Curly. I'd have done the same thing. Louis will call you as soon as he is ready to speak about it.”

 

Zayn holds him closer and strokes his back for a while. He wishes he could be the brave one in this moment, but he also has a few thought running through his mind.

 

“Haz?”

 

“Mhh?”

 

“Do you think Louis has told Li? I mean they've talked about this before, so do you think Liam knows?”

 

He doesn't know which answer he wants to hear. If Liam doesn't know, it means he is still angry but if he knows and hasn't called yet? Doesn't it mean he thinks the idea is bullshit, that he is not into it?

And why is Louis not showing up on the doorstep with a dozen of roses. He knows that Harry is here. And they have talked about that. There is no way that Louis doesn't want to come out. He had planned this, the proposal and all, for over a year now, but the Kendall/Eleanor thing came in the way.

 

Zayn knows that Louis wants to go public and show the world Harry is his. He is not so sure about Liam though.

 

“I think he might have told him, I guess.”

 

Harry's voice brings him back from his thoughts and he needs a second to remember what his question was. But Harry is probably right, it's quite doubtful that Louis hasn't called Liam as soon as he found out. Maybe that was why Li left their apartment soon after the fight. But why aren't they here yet?

 

“Should we...should we go to your place and see if anything is wrong?”

 

Harry shakes his head and buries it deeper into Zayn's, or no it is actually Liam's grey sweater.

Zayn has a thing for wearing his boyfriend's clothes.

 

“Or at least call him?”

 

“No.” Harry mumbles into the soft fabric of the sweater so Zayn has trouble catching it.

 

“I just want to sleep now and hope that everything is better when I wake up.!

 

Zayn nods and turns around a little so that they both are in a more comfortable position. Harry's plan sounds like the only right thing to do now, because you know, nothing good happens after 2 am. So sleeping sound like the safest way to deal with this.

 

Zayn doesn't let go of Harry though. He figures the younger boy doesn't want to be alone either.

 

“Can you sing to me?” Harry asks with a husky voice as he intertwines his fingers with Zayn's and how could Zayn tell him no?

 

“Sure Curly.” He closes his eyes and pulls Harry as close as possible before he begins to sing, quietly so Harry will be able to fall asleep.

 

_When the days are cold_

_and the cards all fold_

_and the saint we see_

_are all made of gold_

 

 

_When your dreams all fail_

_and the ones we hail_

_are the worst of all_

_and the blood's run stale_

 

Zayn hears Harry's breath getting steady and he smiles softly before he continues.

 

_I wanna hide the truth_

_I wanna shelter you_

_but with the beast inside_

_there's nowhere we can hide_

 

Harry is asleep by then.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it, and thanks for reading, can't say that enough. Sorry for the wait, I feel terrible.


	14. Almost Everything (I Wish I'd Said the Last Time I Saw You)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And this will be our year. Like all the other years that will follow.

**Louis' POV**

 

Louis gets up early this morning. He barely slept but it doesn't matter. There is so much to do. Today could be the day everything changes.

 

On his tiptoes he makes his way to the kitchen, so he doesn't wake up Liam. Normally he would make a cup tea but he figures to get through this day they really need a lot of coffee.

 

The oldest of the boys tries not to think about how Harry will react. There is too much that could go wrong if he allows himself to be nervous right now. He just has to believe that everything will work out.

 

“Morning.”

 

Louis turns around to see a very sleepy Liam standing in the door frame.

 

“Coffee?”

 

“Sounds good.”

 

Louis gives his friend a cup of steaming coffee with a dash of milk. After three years of touring they know how each other drinks their coffee or tea.

 

“Thanks Lou.” The younger boy smiles encouragingly. “Nervous?”

 

“A little.”

 

“I'm nervous as hell.” Liam admits and Louis can't help but think that this describes how he's feeling a lot better than a little nervous.

 

“This could be the best idea you've ever had, Lou. Or it's the worst.”

 

“Right now it feels like the worst to be honest.” The older boy buries his head in his hands. Liam stand up and comes over to his friend, embracing him into the tightest hug they've ever shared.

 

“Louis, listen to me. This last year has been hard, for all of us. It has been an up and down and a constant fight for us to be okay. And this year has to be different and you're about to change it tight now. Harry wants to change it too. Therefore he will love this. It might be different than you to imagined it. But it will be just as beautiful, I promise you.”

 

Louis looks up to Liam with a thankful smile.

  
“I'm getting married today, Li.”

 

“That's if Harry says yes.”

 

“Oh shut up Payno.” Louis stands up and sticks his tongue out to his band mate. “You're not a good best man at all.” But he feels better now.

 

 

 

 

**Zayn's POV**

 

“Zayn, wake up.”

 

The older boy groans as he opens his eyes and looks at the alarm clock.

 

“Haz, damn, it's not even 6 am. Why are you already awake?”

 

“Couldn't sleep. I have a bad feeling. This year sucks Ze. I will never be able to be with Louis and hold hs hand while singing to the crowd or walking through the streets of a city which name we'll forget weeks later because it's all the same, but it's not because I held his hand. That's all I want Zayn, why is this too much to ask for?”

 

Zayn sighs because it is hard to answer this. Life is unfair and sometimes he wants to take Harry and save him from all of this, because he's the youngest and too sensitive but on the other hand he's stronger then all of them together.

 

“I promise you, things will get better Harry! Give this year one last chance, okay? Don't give up now. It's too early Haz.”

 

“I know, I just feel hopeless somehow. Louis didn't text me and I'm getting nervous. Something is wrong.”

 

Zayn takes the younger boy's hands into his own and looks into his emerald eyes, which look so sad it hurts. “Harry, listen. Of course you feel like something is wrong. Everything is wrong. But it is for a while now. And Louis loves you, don't be stupid. Let us get back to sleep. Just a few more hours. And then we'll go get our boys back, okay?”

 

Harry buries his head in Zayn's chest. “Thank you, Z.”

 

The older boy feels Harry's breath becoming steady within minutes and then the curly boy is asleep.

Zayn smiles to himself as he strokes Harry's hair. He is gad that the boy can find a little more rest.

But Zayn himself can't go back to sleep. He has tried to keep his mind off things, tried to calm Harry instead of thinking about Liam.

Now he has nothing to distract him from his thoughts any more.

 

He knows that Louis loves Harry and that he wants to be with him, no matter what. They are Harry and Louis. _HarryandLouis._ They are inseparable. He has no doubts that they'll make it. The two boys are meant to be together. It's as simple as that. He has a lot of doubts when it comes to Liam though.

 

They also love each other, that is not the problem. But their love is different. It still grows. They still have to work out so many things.

And he wants it, Zayn really wants to be with Liam but he is not sure if it's the right thing.

Maybe there is someone out there who could make Li happier, who could fix him and give him the life he deserves.

He wishes he could be hat person that makes everything better for Liam. He just loves him so much.

He'd never expected to feel like this for someone. But it is enough for them to make it?

He just can't say it. He is not sure. Is this worth all the pain?

 

On one hand Liam is worth everything and more. Of course. Zayn would go through hell for him.

But seeing Liam suffer because of their relationship is so much worse than he imagines hell to be.

Zayn would do anything for this boy. He just wants the best for him. But right now he doesn't now if this means staying or walking away.

 

 

 

**Niall's POV**

 

“Louis finally, I thought you'd never call.”

 

“Of course I do. Li and I are at the registrar's office now. Our families will be there any minute. Paul made sure there will be no other people or press around. Just be careful when you bring them here.”

 

The boy on the other end of the line pauses for a second.

 

“And Niall?”

 

“Yeah?”  
  


“Thank you so much. For everything, you know? Couldn't made it without you.”

 

“Always Louis. You know that!”

 

“Love you Ni, see you soon.”

 

“Love you too Tommo.”

 

Niall puts down his phone and takes a deep breath. This is so typical for Louis. Going the biggest he can.

The blonde boy smiles as he thinks of his boys and how much he loves them. He wishes nothing more than starting their stadium tour without them being afraid to look at each other. He just hopes Louis has thought everything through.

 

“Harry, Zayn, come on. Get up. We have to come to the office.”

 

He opens the bedroom door to see them curled up in bed, blankets over their heads.

 

“I'm not going anywhere.” Harry mumbles as he peeks out under the blanket.

“You can't expect us to go there and talk to Li and Louis like nothing has happened.”

 

“No talk back Harry. I'll give you ten minutes. Put on some decent clothes!”

 

Niall gets into the kitchen and prepares three cups of coffee. Now he starts to get nervous too. It's not everyday that two of your best friends get marries. Especially not without one of them having no idea what will happen.

 

A few minutes later Zayn walks in wearing black jeans and a grey sweater. Harry is right behind him in skinny jeans and a white button down. Not really what someone wears to a wedding, but Niall considers it could be worse.

 

“Come on boys!” He hands them their coffee, grabs his keys and pushes his friends outside the door.

 

“I don't want to go Ni. Why can't I call sick? Please Niall, I can't stand this today.”

 

Niall gives Zayn an helpless look and he sees in the older boy's eyes that he'd rather hides himself in his room all day. But he doesn't complain about it because he knows he has to be there for Harry.

 

The Irish boy feels bad for lying to them, he would love to tell them the truth about all of this, so he doesn't have to look into their sad faces any more. But that's not part of the plan.

 

Instead he gives both of them a week smile and concentrates on the road. After a few minutes of driving in silence he remembers that he has no idea what to say when they'll notice they are not driving to the studio.

 

“Ehm, boys, I forgot, Lou asked me to pick something up at the registrar's office. It's for Lux or something.”

 

“Whatever.” Harry looks outside the window not really paying attention to what Niall is saying. Zayn just nods abstracted.

 

Niall parks the car in a side street three minutes away from the registrar's office. For the first time he is more than glad for the weather in London. Because of the rain there are barley any people in the streets.

 

He leads the two boys towards the office and really hopes Harry not make a face like the world is going down when he sees Louis.

 

Luckily they make it to the office without running into fans or someone they know. A blonde woman is sitting behind the reception and smiles at them as they walk through the door.

 

“Hello, I am....”

 

“Mr. Horan, I know. We have been waiting. Room 3 is ready for you.”

 

“Ehm, thanks.” Niall gives her his biggest smile and traces Harry with him.

 

“Niall what is this about? Where are we going. I thought we'd just pick something up for Lou and...”

 

“Shut up Harry.”

 

And with that Niall opens the door.

 

 

**Harry's POV**

 

Harry blinks as he look into the big room. It has a lot of windows so the sun, which is just breaking through the clouds, blinds him. He has to close his eyes for a second. As he opens them again he sees Louis standing at the other side of the room.

 

Harry turns around to Niall and sees that he is smirking. What is all of this?

 

“Zayn?”

 

“I've got not idea Haz.

 

“Harry.” Louis voice resounds through the room and the younger boy turns back to him.

 

“Harry Styles, I'm sorry for all I've said yesterday. I'm sorry I doubt you. Of course you are in this. There is no more who is more sure about us than you are. Forgive me. I should have known better. And Harry – I'm in this too.”

 

He smiles brightly and makes a few steps towards his boyfriend. But Harry can't move, he is too overwhelmed.

 

“Harry, you and Zayn have done all you could to convince our management that we are allowed to come out to public before the tour starts. I know it should have been a surprise. I'm sorry I screwed this up. And I also know that you were afraid that it wouldn't work. But now I have a surprise for you. Liam and I talked to the management all night. And we sorted everything out, so that, in a week, as soon as the tour starts, we can officially call each other boyfriends.”

 

Harry takes a deep breath, because he can't believe all of this is happening. He had dreamed about it, he had hoped so much it would work, but he never fully believed in it. And now it is happening.

Louis is standing right in front of him now, speaking a lot quieter so that only Harry can hear.

 

“But not just boyfriends, Harry. You know where we are right?”

 

And Harry nods, his hands shaking, because they are in the registrar's office. But that doesn't mean...does it? Harry looks into Louis's piercing blue eyes and it hits him, the feeling that he can loves this boy forever and more.

 

“I read you letters Harry. All of them. They were beautiful. You are beautiful. And I think it can't be a coincidence that same sex marriage is legalized in England since last month. I know this is not how we imagined it to be. But I can't and I won't wait any longer. So I'm asking you again Harry. Will you marry me? Today?”

 

Louis gets down on one knee and Harry can't hold back his tears any more. Why is this boy so crazy? And why does he love him so much?

 

## “Yes I do. Of course I do, Louis!”

  
  


And then Louis is up on his feet again and he hugs Harry tight. As they look at each other Harry notices he isn't the only one crying. 

  
  


“Lou?”

  
“Fuck Harry, I thought you'd say no.”

  
  


Harry laughs a little and wipes away the older boy's tears with his thumb. They are still so close they noses almost touch.

  
  


“Louis, my stupid little boo bear, why would I ever say no? I said yes before and I'd say yes every time you ask me.”

  
  


“But this is so different. You wanted a wedding at the beach. With flowers and soppy love songs and without shoes. And this is just a stupid registrar's office in London and it's raining outside.”

  
  


“Shh Louis...” Harry puts a finger over Louis' beautiful lips to shut him up. “It's beautiful Lou. I'd love to marry you today!”

  
  


And with that he kisses him, laying all his love into it, knowing it will be the last kiss as boyfriends and that from now on everything changes. But he's looking forward to it. 

  
  


It isn't until they break the kiss that Harry notices the other people around them and suddenly they are all hugging the two boys in the middle. He feels Niall's hands on his shoulders and then his mum is hugging him tight. He feels Liam's strong arms around him and Zayn is pressed against him whispering 'I told you so' in his ear and Gemma hugs him so passionately he nearly trips over his feet.

  
  


And before he knows what is happening he is standing in the front, facing Louis. 

  
  


“Harry Edward Styles, yesterday after you left, they were so many things I wished I'd said to you. Like how much I love you and how bad I want this. And that yes, sometimes I get confused and afraid that I might lose you, so I get into stupid fights. I'm sorry for that.

So I'll promise you that from now on I'll always find a way to tell you what I want to say, good or bad, And more than this I'll promise you that I will love you more everyday, even if I pick up a fight or be grumpy in the morning. I'll love you like I have from the start. And this will be our year. Like all the other years that will follow. This is what I vow today!”

  
  


“It is a little unfair, because I haven't had any time to prepare a speech. But Louis, I vow today that I'll stay around even if you big up fights and even if you are in a bad mood every time after you woke up. Because as long as I get to fall asleep in your arms knowing you'll still be there in the morning, I don't care. 

And now I can't continue because I'll probably start to cry. I just want you to know that I never wanted anything more than being yours and nothing will ever change that.

  
  


Harry has tears in his eyes as the registrar ask them if they really want to marry each other and why is she even asking? Isn't that obvious? 

  
  


And then they can finally kiss each other as husbands.

  
  


  
  


  
  


** Liam's POV **

  
  


Liam claps his hands and cheers with the others as Harry and Louis share they first kiss as a married couple but his eyes are on Zayn who is standing in the corner. He is smiling and congratulating Anne but Liam sees that he is not really happy. And he wants nothing more than go over and kiss his boy, make all there troubles go away. But unfortunately it isn't as easy as that.

Instead he goes over to Louis, embracing him into a hug. “So it was your best idea ever Lou.”

  
  


“I couldn't made it without you Li. I love you, you know that?”

  
  


Liam laughs and places a sloppy kiss on his friends cheek. “Watch yourself, you're married now.”

  
  


Louis hugs him again. “I am.”

  
  


Out of the corner of his eyes Liam sees Zayn leaving the room and the can't wait any longer. 

  
“I'm sorry Lou, I...got to go.” And Louis nods sympathetically and lets him go.

  
  


  
  


“Zayn wait!” The older boy turns around and Liam sees that he is crying. 

  
  


“Zayn.” Liam is at his side and pushes him through another door, so that they are in an empty room, before he wraps his arms around him. “Zayn.”

  
  


“I'm sorry.”

  
  


“What?” Liam loses his grip to look into his boyfriend's eyes. “There is nothing you have to apologize for. I am sorry.”

  
  


But Zayn shakes his head. “No. I shouldn't have assumed that you want to go public with our relationship. I should have talked to you about it. We are not Harry and Louis, you know. We are still on the way to find our place. And maybe this place is at each others side, but I think it's not. You deserve so much more than I can give to you. I want you to find someone, who can just look you in the eyes and make everything better.”  
  
  


Liam is completely taken aback and he find no words to answer this. He just stares into Zayn's dark eyes unable to comprehend what he just said. 

  
  


“Maybe we are just not meant to be together.” Zayn gives him a small smile. “Maybe not like this. I still love you, you know. And I'll stay on your side forever. But I think we should break up, it's for the best.”

  
  


This can't be happening, Liam thinks. This can't be true. Zayn pecks his lips and walks towards the door and the younger boy knows if he doesn't find the right words now everything is over.

  
  


“You can't break up with me.”

  
  


Zayn turns around and looks at Liam with a questioned look.

  
  


“Please Li, don't make this harder than it already is.”

  
  


“You can't break up with me because I was going to ask you to marry me.”

  
  


“What?”

  
  


“I...” Liam steps towards the older boy and takes Zayn's hands in his. “Please just listen okay?” He frees one hand again to pull the small box with the ring out of his pocket. “I'm carrying this with me for over two month now. And before you say something, I don't want to marry you today, or even this year. I know that we are not even close to being ready for this. But I want to marry you some day Zayn. If there is one thing in the whole world that I'm sure about, it is the fact that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Because you are this person Z. You make everything better. You changed my life in so many ways and showed me what it means to be loved and to be in love. And I'm sorry I haven't told you that before, I'm sorry you thought I'd ever want anyone else but you. I don't Zayn. You are my person, even if this is still the beginning. Even if we have to work things out and learn a lot. I love you Zayn. I love you so much, I...”

  
  


“Stop talking Li.” 

  
  


“What?” But Zayn leans in and kisses the boy like they have never kissed before and if he had to describe it Liam would say it feels like forever. 

  
  


“I love you too.” 

  
  


“So this means you're not breaking up with me?” 

  
  


“That means I'm not breaking up with you. And it means that I will spend the rest of my life with you.”

  
  


“I...Zayn...this...” Liam can't talk because the tears are streaming down his face and he doesn't know why he is crying so hard suddenly. But maybe it is just all the fear from the last days, all the fear of loosing the love of his life that hits him now. And he leans into Zayn who is holding him and whispering 'I love you's' in his hair and he knows that they'll make it.

After a while Zayn wipes his tears away and kisses him again.   
  
“Let's go back to celebrate our new husbands, okay?”

  
“I love you Zayn.”

  
  


  
  


  
  


  
  


  
  


  
  


  
  


  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is almost the end and I can't say how thankful I am for everyone who read this.  
> It was my first big project on Ao3 and I know that it took me quite long, so thanks for staying with me :)  
> I love you all!


	15. Choosing my own way of life.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is it. Our year.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it, the last chapter. I'm really glad that I made it but I will miss it a lot.   
> Thanks to everyone who read it,  
> especially Dancerlittle because your comments made me keep going and it was so good to know you would read the chapter, so thank you. Even without really knowing you I know you are a wonderful person, there's not much more to add for me here.
> 
> Other than that, the tour is starting today and I'm quite nervous, I'm sure the boys are too, but I'm also mega excited.  
> Good luck boys and have fun. We are all very proud of you :)
> 
> One more time, big love to anyone out there, you are amazing guys. 
> 
> Enjoy <3

Harry sits in the dressing room and looks at the piece of paper in his hands.

 

It's only 20 minutes till the first concert of their stadium tour starts.

 

He turns the paper around.

 

“Open before our first concert” is written in tiny, atilt letter.

 

The young boy sighs and unfolds it.

 

_Dear Harry Styles,_

 

_or should I say Harry Tomlinson-Styles?_

_Because if you are reading this now, it means you said yes and we are now officially married._

 

_I promised you this would be our year, didn't I?_

 

_So before I write anything else, let me tell you this._

 

_I love you Harry. I know it sounds cheesy but my love for you grows every day and I can't imagine a life without you any more._

 

_Thank you for all the beautiful letter you wrote me this year baby. This was the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for me. I'm glad you decided to gave them to me, even if the circumstances could have been different._

 

_But more importantly, you made it happen Harry. I know I took the last step, but it was you, who did it. Because of you we can finally be together, without worrying to be seen in public or to say the wrong things. Have you realized it Harry?_

 

_Our dream is coming true. This is it. Our year._

 

_I know this won't be easy for us. The fight is not over and this tour will be different than the ones before. There is a chance that we will loose some of our fans. There is a chance that we'll get hate, a lot of hate. But we are in this together – you and me._

 

_And the boys of course. As long as we have us, we are strong._

 

_You make me strong sweet cheeks. And you know that._

 

 

_And it's okay to be afraid. I am afraid too. Changes are always terrifying._

 

_But this is a good change. The best change since we got put together in a band almost 4 years ago._

 

_It doesn't feel this long ago, does it? And on the other hand it feels like forever._

 

_I can't even remember time in my life I haven't knew you, haven't loved you. It's like I have been waiting for you. You kind of were always there._

 

_And I can't use words to describe how much I love you, but the good thing is you already know. I don't have to tell you everyday and yet I still want to._

 

_So in case there will be days I forget, I won't be able to or I just don't because of any other stupid reason, here is a small supply._

 

_I love you Harry._

 

_I love you Harry Styles._

 

_I love you Harry Tomlinson-Styles._

 

_I'm so in love with you._

 

_You make me smile, my love._

 

_You make me unbearably cheesy, you know that._

 

_And that's what I love you for._

 

_I love you because I fit perfectly into your arms._

 

_And because you changed me in all the good ways._

 

_I love you because my mood lights up by just looking at you._

 

_Because your kisses give me butterflies even after all these years._

 

_Because when you smile everyone else in the room just automatically smiles with you._

 

_I love you because you are always there for your friends, no matter what._

 

_And you call the boys family._

 

_I love you because you get homesick sometimes._

 

_Because you love your mum and your sister so, so much._

 

_I love you because everything makes sense now._

 

_And because you are the one making plans for our future._

 

_I love you because you had to go through so much, still you become stronger every day._

 

_And because I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you._

 

_I love you._

 

_I love you._

 

_I love you._

 

_I love you._

 

_I love you._

 

_I love you._

 

_I love you._

 

_I love you._

 

_I love you today and tomorrow and every tomorrow after that._

 

_I love you, but now I have to stop because you have a concert to go to._

 

_So stop reading and get rid of that frown. Smile for me instead._

 

_And then come to me and kiss me and take my hand before we walk on stage._

 

_Sincerely, always yours,_

_Louis Tomlinson-Styles._

 

 

 

And Harry is smiling but the tears are streaming down his face in the same moment.

 

There is a knock on the door and then Lima embraces him into a hug.

 

“Are you okay Hazza?”

 

“Yeah, yeah!” Harry smiles between his sobs. “Yes Li, it's finally okay. I'm okay. We are all.”

 

“More than okay Hazza. More than that. Now let's go.”

 

And Harry wipes away his tears half-hearted because he knows he is going to cry again hen Louis holds his speech on stage. Or at the latest when he sings “Strong” to him.

 

Outside the other three boys are waiting and they get into a group hug, holding on to each other until Paul calls them to come.

 

“And you still think this is a good idea, telling the fans that you and Harry are married on stage of our first concert?”

 

Zayn is not really convinced about Louis' plan.

 

“Stop worrying Z. It's the best idea I've ever had. Right Liam? Tell him this is my best idea!”

 

“I'm on Louis' side for this one. It doesn't happen often but we have to trust him here.”

 

He turns to Zayn, who is standing on his left, and runs a finger along his cheekbones.

 

“We can still wait if you want to. We don't have to say anything just now.”

 

Zayn changes a quick look with Harry who just nods and smiles.

 

“No, I want to. I'm gonna trust Louis!”

 

“Perfect. Now come on guys. Our tour is starting.”

 

Niall pushed his boys forwards because Paul is waiting and also because he is so excited to finally perform again.

 

Harry is the last and Louis puts his hand on the small of the younger boy's back, leaning in a little.

 

“I love you Harry Tomlinson-Styles.”

 

And Harry smiles genuinely, because this is how he has always imagined it. His three best friends walking infront of him, holding on to each other, laughing, and he notices Liam reaching for Zayn's hand to intertwine their fingers and it makes him smile even more.

 

And the love of his life is right beside him and he feels Louis fingertips against his back which makes him feel confident.

 

In a few minutes there will be no more hiding, no more lies. Just them.

In a few minutes their year will finally begin.

 

“I love you too Louis.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And I love all of you :)


End file.
